1 Chaptered: Lost Without Each Other
Dec. 3rd, 2007 01:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amorphousTitle: Lost Without Each Other (Chapter 1)
Co-Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jandjsalmon
Words: circa 4000 the chapter
Rating: ultimately NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Theodore Nott/Tracey Davis
Warnings: character death, swearing, sex/smut, not exactly HBP compliant.
Author's Notes: I'm honored to be able to write our Theo/Tracey with my awesome friend, Jess.
Summary: Theodore Nott and Tracey Davis are happily in love. They plan to spend forever together until after several unforeseeable circumstances they are pulled apart. Eight years later, something they witnessed on one of their last dates comes back to haunt them both and push them together in ways neither is prepared for
Tracey's face was solemn and she tried to keep the grin that was threatening to spread across her face. "I saw it. I did. Filtch and Madam Pomfrey- right on top the desk in the infirmary."
"No way!" Pansy squealed and covered her face against the image.
It was hardly breakfast conversation and Tracey didn't want to reveal exactly why she had that knowledge. It was bad enough that she was retelling it when Theo was next to her, where he could roll his eyes at the fact that both girls actually cared about the sexual activities of the Hogwart's caretaker, but he wasn't paying attention anyway.
Theo ate his breakfast in silence, barely paying attention the girls' banter. The Great Hall was full of loud, obnoxious voices as they echoed. He was surprised when an owl landed near him, peering at him expectantly. He took the letter and immediately the owl took off, flying out the open window. Wondering what it could be about, he opened the letter, scanning the contents. His blood ran cold as he stared at the page suddenly unseeing. He knew the colour must have drained from his face when Pansy nudged Tracey to look back at him. He caught her green eyes; he was frightened despite wanting to be unfeeling over the whole situation.
It's not like this wasn't expected. It was. His father had been caught in Death Eater activities; it was finally proven beyond any doubt and his father had admitted he had tried to hurt one of Theo's own classmates. His father disgusted him, but this -- this truly effected him. He stood up and stepped away from the table, not even bothering to say anything to the girls or pause when Tracey looked up at him with surprise and concern and tried to reach out to stop him.
Tracey didn't wait too long before she excused herself from the table as well and followed him out the door. She knew where he was going. He always sought the same place when he was upset. Not that he got upset very often, but on the rare occasions where she couldn't find him she knew exactly where to look. It had been the same since their first year, when she'd watched him suffer all manner of homesickness. He'd slide behind his bed hangings and pretend there was no one else in the world.
She walked into the boys dorm and saw his curtains shut. She made her way toward the bed and crawled in beside him. He didn't say anything, just held his arm out to her and she snuggled in next to him with her head on his chest. Tracey knew that he would speak when he wanted to and was patient and ready to be there for him when he was ready for her.
Theo pulled her close, not speaking. He didn't want to talk about it, but knew he'd have to tell her. And before she read it in the goddamn paper like she would. It would be plastered in all the wizard media soon, since they always liked to run amok with any news about convicted Death Eaters. He supposed it was good that they were, in a twisted way, telling people why they shouldn't become Death Eaters, but it was hell on the family, like him. He'd never done anything to deserve the embarrassment he suffered, but somehow, until this moment it seemed, he had always managed to keep his head held high.
"The Ministry took my family's money. I'm broke," he whispered to Tracey, closing his eyes as he braced himself for her response.
Tracey held him tighter, if that was possible, and tried not to break down in front of him. He hated when she cried in front of him, especially when it was for him, so she hid her tears as she looked up at him. "Oh, Theo. I'm so sorry. They convicted the bastard, then?" she couldn't help but growl thinking about him. Mr. Nott had made her angry for years, and she was constantly amazed how he had sired such a wonderful son. She knew that it could have just as easily been her father or Draco's or Greg's that had been caught. What made it hurt so much was that it was the father of the boy she loved. She had never really hated anyone before but the feeling stabbing through her heart was very much like hatred. "What are we going to do then?" she asked him quietly before laying her head back on his chest.
He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I have to send a letter to my mother. She knows -- she told me, but I have to make sure she knows I know." He paused. "Somehow that made more sense in my head than it did coming out." Sighing heavily, he continued, "Then I have to figure out what the hell I do now." He purposely didn't say "we" since as much as he loved the girl in him arms, he didn't want to burden her with his problems. Her family had stayed clear of being Death Eaters -- or at least being caught as Death Eaters -- and his hadn't. She didn't need to worry about him.
"He's a bastard," Theo suddenly muttered, feeling anger surge through him. He wanted to be numb, to be unfeeling, and to not care. But he did care. He was angry, frustrated, and as irrational as some might see it, frightened. He didn't know what to do now; his family and his family's money had never really been his plan for his future, but it was still there. He, in the back of his mind, had counted on it always being there in case he needed it.
He kissed Tracey's forehead again. She squirmed in his arms but he only tightened his hold on her. He needed to hold her; he wanted to hold her.
Tracey managed to raise her arm up to stroke his cheek. Looking into his eyes, her heart flipped. He looked worried. Tracey had never seen him so scared. She leaned up to kiss him softly. "There are two of us, Theo. We'll find a way to sort this out," she whispered against his warm lips.
He sighed. Pulling her so she was laying on top of him, he leaned up and captured her lips with his. The kiss was passionate; he tried to put as much of the emotions coursing through his body into the kiss as he could, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. Slightly out of breath, he pulled back, murmuring, "Thank you, Tracey, but I think this is something I have to figure out on my own." He had tried to soften the words by leaning up to kiss her again, but she turned her face away and he kissed her cheek instead.
She bit her lip and tried to keep the tears from finally falling down her face. The last thing he needed was an irrational witch dribbling all over him, especially if he was putting up his wall. He did this sometimes and she was used to it, but it didn't stop the hurt. She nodded, still looking away, and took a deep breath in before trying to pull herself out of his arms. "Well, then, if you should need me, you know where to find me."
He tightened his hold, not releasing her. Reaching up, he tilted her chin so she was looking at him with her beautiful, tear-filled green eyes. "Don't. Please, don't go. I wish I could say that this was a situation for both of us to deal with, but I can't even have my mum help me on this." He smiled softly. "How about this? You stay here with me and I'll tell you anything I come up with? Then you can laugh at my stupidity." He didn't smile often, and it was even more rare that he tried to compromise with anyone. But with Tracey, it was different. Seeing the tears in her eyes, and knowing he had caused them, made his heart twist with a numbing pain that even the news of his family's new desolate existence didn't even come close to.
Tracey nodded and looked down. Up until that moment, she hadn't thought of their future without it being their future. Suddenly she felt like that was changing though they hadn't really said the words. "You're not stupid, Theo. You're brilliant. We'll... you'll be fine. Even with your father in Azkaban. You're going to be successful, no matter what you do. You're so much more clever than the rest of us, even with Draco thinking he's the smartest in the House."
"Well he is Head Boy. Thank Merlin isn't wasn't me." He paused, trying to explain his thoughts. "I never was going to rely on the money, Tracey, but it was a nice cushion in case I did fail. Now I have to succeed. I guess I'm just... scared." Even though he knew it was the truth admitting it was hard for him. He didn't like to admit weakness, especially to her.
Tracey's eyes darkened. This was all wrong. He was never scared of anything. "I know you won't take it, but you know you can have my cushion, right? When Declan died, Daddy made sure that every penny would go to me, and I'd gladly give it to you if you wanted me to, Theo." All of it, she thought in her head.
He fought the urge to move her away from him, and tightened his hold instead, pressing her head onto his shoulder so she couldn't see the angry expression on his face at her words. He knew she hadn't said it to hurt him and that it was only because she cared so much for him that she even offered. "I'll be fine Tracey. I don't need nor want your money."
She'd known as soon as she'd said the words that he wasn't going to be happy with her. She was only glad that he hadn't pushed her away. If she could only make him understand that he meant so much more to her than her money did. I know you don't want it but I'm offering because I love you, she thought silently.
Neither one felt much like talking after that and they mutually decided to skive off classes for the day. Though they stayed there, tightly wound in an embrace, both of their thoughts were far away.
---
Theodore woke up in the morning to the noise of the other boys crawling out of bed themselves. Theo wished that Tracey had stayed with him all night, but both abhorred the rumors that would fly if they spent the night together even if they hadn't done anything. Blaise and the other Slytherins would be sure to say that they did do something, and Theo refused to let Tracey be the subject of unfounded rumors and lies. She was a good girl -- respectable to the core, and wouldn't be the man to tarnish her good name.
It wasn't until the Daily Prophet was delivered during breakfast that the other students started to stare, point, and whisper. He groaned, realizing it must already be in the paper. The writers at the Daily Prophet loved to parade the problems of the Death Eaters and their families. Tracey reached out and laid her hand on his, giving him a small smile.
Even their friends... the ones at their own table were giving him strange looks. Some looked like pity, others disgust. It wasn't every day that someone lost their inheritance and even worse, it was a mark of shame to have your father convicted of the crimes all the rest of their parents took part in.
"Don't look at them, Theo," Tracey said under her breath. "Look at me, okay?" Their fingers intertwined and they ate their breakfast in silence.
Theo couldn't look at her though. He couldn't look at anyone. It was a nightmare, a waking nightmare. He breathed a sigh of relief when he finally got to his dorms after the last class of the day, skipping dinner to hide away. Getting away from the looks and taunts were enough for him to go hungry. He pulled the curtains across his four-post, relishing in the silence, but wishing he had asked Tracey to join him, but he knew he'd feel bad if he asked her to miss dinner because of him. He sighed, closing his eyes and laying back on the bed. He heard her footsteps coming down to the dungeons and smiled, grateful that she always came to him.
Tracey didn't even knock. He knew she was there. He always knew she'd be there. So, she opened his curtain and handed him a plate. "Here, you'll need this, love," she said as she kissed him softly. "I didn't even bother going down to supper. The elves made your favourite." She sat cross-legged on his bed and picked up a bread stick.
He nodded, sitting up and leaning against the wall. He picked at the food, not really eating it but thankful that Tracey had thought of him. She always thought of him, and he knew he didn't deserve it. Setting the half-eaten plate on the floor, and reached over to take her plate to set it next to his. He pulled her in his arms. She leaned against him, closing her eyes as she laid her head against his chest. "Thank you, Tracey," he whispered, kissing the top of her head.
Tracey didn't say anything, but just held him quietly until she could almost feel her eyes grow heavy. Pulling away from him, she asked quietly, "Theo, we can't hide forever. Come for a walk with me, please. We don't have to go where there are a lot of people... but we just can't stay here. We'll go mad staying here. It's not your fault this happened, we can't go on acting like it is."
He sighed, knowing she was right. "Can I hide for tonight?" Seeing her shake her head slightly, he sighed heavily again. "Fine. How about we go to the back grounds... near the Gamekeeper's place. What's his name anyway?" The gamekeeper's name didn't matter, but it was a new topic. He needed to think of something else for his own sanity.
"Hag-something or other. Like I'd remember that oaf's name," she replied with a self satisfied grin as she pulled him out of his bed. "The back grounds are a lovely idea. I think some of the blossoms might already be out. The early ones." Tracey thought about excusing herself to get her cloak, but instead she walked to Blaise's wardrobe and pulled out one of his. He wouldn't miss it, not for one night, and she longed to tease him that she snogged Theo while wearing it.
Theo grabbed her hand, leading her up the stairs and out through the back halls of the castle. No one was in sight as they walked out the big doors; he scanned the grounds, wanting to avoiding everyone if it were at all possible. Holding hands, they walked through the grounds, going farther and farther from the castle with each step. Dropping her hand, he draped his arm over her shoulders, pulling her protectively against his side. The sky was getting darker and the stars were starting to come out. He glanced upward, enjoying the view. At least that hadn't changed. Glancing sideways, he looked at Tracey. She hadn't changed either. He pulled her tighter, turning her so she was standing in front of him.
He reached down, caressing her cheek and looking at her with pure affection in his gaze. He gently rubbed his thumbs over her lips and she shivered against him. Her lips were soft when he finally touched them with his own and she sighed into his mouth as he kissed her deeply. His hands moved up to cup her face in his hands gently.
Tracey loved when he kissed her with his hands on her face. She grasped the belt loops on his trousers and pulled herself closer to him.
Their one long kiss became several quick ones and Theo slid his hand down her side as he touched her lips with his tongue, begging entrance that she'd gladly give him. His tongue swept in, tasting her eagerly. Her hands moved to wrap around him, pulling him closer. He slanted his mouth over hers again and again, wanting nothing more than to be as close as he could get to her. He always felt so close to her when they kissed like this, yet she seemed so far away at other times. He couldn't touch her the way he wanted to, but closing his eyes against the kiss, he thought, This will be good enough for me. This is perfect.
Breathing heavily, he pulled back. She tightened her arms around him afraid he'd pull away completely.
"Theo, I..." She wanted to badly to tell him that she'd been wrong about wanting to wait, that she'd been thinking on it for a long time and had changed her mind. She wanted to say a lot of things, but it hardly seemed the time when he had to deal with so much other shite right now. So, she stopped herself from saying anything and just reached for his hand in the darkness.
"Hey, do you want to go to Hogsmeade instead of staying out here? There will be no crowds of students... It would be... quieter," he said, glancing around. No one was in sight, but he felt like unseen eyes were burning a hole in his back.
She nodded slowly. Her face was impassive, showing no sign of how she really felt about his suggestion, but it was clear that she was keeping something from him. Getting to Hogsmeade wasn't easy, but it wasn't impossible either. They'd done it before, and since they were seventeen and could Apparate, all they had to do was get off the grounds.
The large gates that marked out the grounds were easy enough to climb over... when you had a wand that could levitate someone, and they soon found themselves walking together hand in hand from the shadows where they Apparated. There was a small green in the centre of the village where Theo and Tracey had often sat on Hogsmeade weekends over their years together. It was there that Tracey thought they were headed, but Theo walked them past their usual bench and pulled her down an alley she'd never been down before.
He pulled her into the alley, pulling her body against his simultaneously. His mouth found hers in the dark, kissing her deeply as his arms wrapped around her waist, holding her close. She wrapped her hands around his neck, pulling him down toward her and eagerly deepening the kiss. His mouth slanted over hers again and again and suddenly he found himself shaking with need. He normally had better control, but after all of this mess with his father, he needed her. He gently pushed her up against the wall of a building, trailing kisses down her neck.
Normally, this was the part where Tracey pulled back and made some lame excuse about waiting until marriage or wanting their wedding night to be perfect. She'd been using those lines for at least two years, but until very recently she'd actually meant them. The desire to wait had grown less and less important to her the closer to graduation they'd gotten. She just hadn't mentioned it to Theo. To him, she must seem like a lunatic, driving him to near insanity only to tell him to stop all the time. Now she didn't want him to stop and she was afraid that he would. She ground herself into him and his hand skirted the hem of her jumper. He smoothed his hand over the soft skin of her stomach and she couldn't help but shiver at his touch.
He couldn't believe she wasn't backing away; she wasn't telling him she wanted to wait. He kissed her roughly, pressing her body against the wall harder as she ground against him, making him ache with desire. He was already ready for her, but he knew she had to be ready to. His hand traveled up, landing on her breasts and massaging it gently. Her nipple puckered and she moaned into his mouth, arching her back up to his touch. It wasn't like they hadn't got this far before, but this was quickly reaching the limits of their mutual experience.
"What the hell?" someone shouted, making Theo pull his hand from underneath his girlfriend's jumper almost as quickly as it had strayed there. He held her still, waiting to hear more. "What the hell are you doing, Mr. Reynolds? You are waving your wand at me like I'm some kind of threat! I'm not a threat!"
Theo kissed Tracey's temple before turning around shielding her behind him against the wall. He searched for the voices and immediately saw two men a few feet away. They didn't seem to notice that anyone else was in the alley, and Theo figured they were hidden in the shadows and safe. The dark-haired wizard was a bit on the chubby side and was waving a wand at a tall thin man with wiry glasses who looked frightened and angry. Theo placed his finger to Tracey's lips and whispered almost inaudibly, "Be quiet, love."
Their altercation was a blur. One minute there was only silence in the air and the next there was a green flash and the tall man went down hard on the ground. The heavier man glared down at the man, without a hint of remorse or sadness in his eyes. "You should have stayed out of my business," he practically yelled at the unmoving body. He smoothly walked out of the alley, leaving the dead man on the ground behind him.
Theo turned and wrapped his arms around Tracey, pulling her close to where her head was against his chest. She was shaking uncontrollably. "It's okay," he murmured trying to comfort her. "It's okay."
Tracey was clearly still in shock. Her head was nodding but all she could see was the green light as the man had fallen. The tears started falling down her face and her knees grew weak. "We have to go home, Theo. I can't-" her voice erupted in choked sobbing.
"Shh, Trace. You're okay," he whispered into her hair as he Apparated them to the gates at Hogwarts. He lead her gently toward the dungeons, not even caring about the looks they received. When they reached the stairs, he lifted her in his arms, not trusting her to make it down the stairs without falling while she was sobbing into his chest. He carried her to the boys' dormitory, glaring at Greg who was just walking out, and laid her on his bed. He got up and lay beside her, pulling her into his arms. He used his wand to draw the curtain closed and cover them.
"It's okay," he whispered, kissing her hair gently. "You're okay." She continued to cry until she fell asleep in his arms, clinging to him for dear life.
Co-Author:
jandjsalmonWords: circa 4000 the chapter
Rating: ultimately NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Theodore Nott/Tracey Davis
Warnings: character death, swearing, sex/smut, not exactly HBP compliant.
Author's Notes: I'm honored to be able to write our Theo/Tracey with my awesome friend, Jess.
Summary: Theodore Nott and Tracey Davis are happily in love. They plan to spend forever together until after several unforeseeable circumstances they are pulled apart. Eight years later, something they witnessed on one of their last dates comes back to haunt them both and push them together in ways neither is prepared for
Tracey's face was solemn and she tried to keep the grin that was threatening to spread across her face. "I saw it. I did. Filtch and Madam Pomfrey- right on top the desk in the infirmary."
"No way!" Pansy squealed and covered her face against the image.
It was hardly breakfast conversation and Tracey didn't want to reveal exactly why she had that knowledge. It was bad enough that she was retelling it when Theo was next to her, where he could roll his eyes at the fact that both girls actually cared about the sexual activities of the Hogwart's caretaker, but he wasn't paying attention anyway.
Theo ate his breakfast in silence, barely paying attention the girls' banter. The Great Hall was full of loud, obnoxious voices as they echoed. He was surprised when an owl landed near him, peering at him expectantly. He took the letter and immediately the owl took off, flying out the open window. Wondering what it could be about, he opened the letter, scanning the contents. His blood ran cold as he stared at the page suddenly unseeing. He knew the colour must have drained from his face when Pansy nudged Tracey to look back at him. He caught her green eyes; he was frightened despite wanting to be unfeeling over the whole situation.
It's not like this wasn't expected. It was. His father had been caught in Death Eater activities; it was finally proven beyond any doubt and his father had admitted he had tried to hurt one of Theo's own classmates. His father disgusted him, but this -- this truly effected him. He stood up and stepped away from the table, not even bothering to say anything to the girls or pause when Tracey looked up at him with surprise and concern and tried to reach out to stop him.
Tracey didn't wait too long before she excused herself from the table as well and followed him out the door. She knew where he was going. He always sought the same place when he was upset. Not that he got upset very often, but on the rare occasions where she couldn't find him she knew exactly where to look. It had been the same since their first year, when she'd watched him suffer all manner of homesickness. He'd slide behind his bed hangings and pretend there was no one else in the world.
She walked into the boys dorm and saw his curtains shut. She made her way toward the bed and crawled in beside him. He didn't say anything, just held his arm out to her and she snuggled in next to him with her head on his chest. Tracey knew that he would speak when he wanted to and was patient and ready to be there for him when he was ready for her.
Theo pulled her close, not speaking. He didn't want to talk about it, but knew he'd have to tell her. And before she read it in the goddamn paper like she would. It would be plastered in all the wizard media soon, since they always liked to run amok with any news about convicted Death Eaters. He supposed it was good that they were, in a twisted way, telling people why they shouldn't become Death Eaters, but it was hell on the family, like him. He'd never done anything to deserve the embarrassment he suffered, but somehow, until this moment it seemed, he had always managed to keep his head held high.
"The Ministry took my family's money. I'm broke," he whispered to Tracey, closing his eyes as he braced himself for her response.
Tracey held him tighter, if that was possible, and tried not to break down in front of him. He hated when she cried in front of him, especially when it was for him, so she hid her tears as she looked up at him. "Oh, Theo. I'm so sorry. They convicted the bastard, then?" she couldn't help but growl thinking about him. Mr. Nott had made her angry for years, and she was constantly amazed how he had sired such a wonderful son. She knew that it could have just as easily been her father or Draco's or Greg's that had been caught. What made it hurt so much was that it was the father of the boy she loved. She had never really hated anyone before but the feeling stabbing through her heart was very much like hatred. "What are we going to do then?" she asked him quietly before laying her head back on his chest.
He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I have to send a letter to my mother. She knows -- she told me, but I have to make sure she knows I know." He paused. "Somehow that made more sense in my head than it did coming out." Sighing heavily, he continued, "Then I have to figure out what the hell I do now." He purposely didn't say "we" since as much as he loved the girl in him arms, he didn't want to burden her with his problems. Her family had stayed clear of being Death Eaters -- or at least being caught as Death Eaters -- and his hadn't. She didn't need to worry about him.
"He's a bastard," Theo suddenly muttered, feeling anger surge through him. He wanted to be numb, to be unfeeling, and to not care. But he did care. He was angry, frustrated, and as irrational as some might see it, frightened. He didn't know what to do now; his family and his family's money had never really been his plan for his future, but it was still there. He, in the back of his mind, had counted on it always being there in case he needed it.
He kissed Tracey's forehead again. She squirmed in his arms but he only tightened his hold on her. He needed to hold her; he wanted to hold her.
Tracey managed to raise her arm up to stroke his cheek. Looking into his eyes, her heart flipped. He looked worried. Tracey had never seen him so scared. She leaned up to kiss him softly. "There are two of us, Theo. We'll find a way to sort this out," she whispered against his warm lips.
He sighed. Pulling her so she was laying on top of him, he leaned up and captured her lips with his. The kiss was passionate; he tried to put as much of the emotions coursing through his body into the kiss as he could, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. Slightly out of breath, he pulled back, murmuring, "Thank you, Tracey, but I think this is something I have to figure out on my own." He had tried to soften the words by leaning up to kiss her again, but she turned her face away and he kissed her cheek instead.
She bit her lip and tried to keep the tears from finally falling down her face. The last thing he needed was an irrational witch dribbling all over him, especially if he was putting up his wall. He did this sometimes and she was used to it, but it didn't stop the hurt. She nodded, still looking away, and took a deep breath in before trying to pull herself out of his arms. "Well, then, if you should need me, you know where to find me."
He tightened his hold, not releasing her. Reaching up, he tilted her chin so she was looking at him with her beautiful, tear-filled green eyes. "Don't. Please, don't go. I wish I could say that this was a situation for both of us to deal with, but I can't even have my mum help me on this." He smiled softly. "How about this? You stay here with me and I'll tell you anything I come up with? Then you can laugh at my stupidity." He didn't smile often, and it was even more rare that he tried to compromise with anyone. But with Tracey, it was different. Seeing the tears in her eyes, and knowing he had caused them, made his heart twist with a numbing pain that even the news of his family's new desolate existence didn't even come close to.
Tracey nodded and looked down. Up until that moment, she hadn't thought of their future without it being their future. Suddenly she felt like that was changing though they hadn't really said the words. "You're not stupid, Theo. You're brilliant. We'll... you'll be fine. Even with your father in Azkaban. You're going to be successful, no matter what you do. You're so much more clever than the rest of us, even with Draco thinking he's the smartest in the House."
"Well he is Head Boy. Thank Merlin isn't wasn't me." He paused, trying to explain his thoughts. "I never was going to rely on the money, Tracey, but it was a nice cushion in case I did fail. Now I have to succeed. I guess I'm just... scared." Even though he knew it was the truth admitting it was hard for him. He didn't like to admit weakness, especially to her.
Tracey's eyes darkened. This was all wrong. He was never scared of anything. "I know you won't take it, but you know you can have my cushion, right? When Declan died, Daddy made sure that every penny would go to me, and I'd gladly give it to you if you wanted me to, Theo." All of it, she thought in her head.
He fought the urge to move her away from him, and tightened his hold instead, pressing her head onto his shoulder so she couldn't see the angry expression on his face at her words. He knew she hadn't said it to hurt him and that it was only because she cared so much for him that she even offered. "I'll be fine Tracey. I don't need nor want your money."
She'd known as soon as she'd said the words that he wasn't going to be happy with her. She was only glad that he hadn't pushed her away. If she could only make him understand that he meant so much more to her than her money did. I know you don't want it but I'm offering because I love you, she thought silently.
Neither one felt much like talking after that and they mutually decided to skive off classes for the day. Though they stayed there, tightly wound in an embrace, both of their thoughts were far away.
---
Theodore woke up in the morning to the noise of the other boys crawling out of bed themselves. Theo wished that Tracey had stayed with him all night, but both abhorred the rumors that would fly if they spent the night together even if they hadn't done anything. Blaise and the other Slytherins would be sure to say that they did do something, and Theo refused to let Tracey be the subject of unfounded rumors and lies. She was a good girl -- respectable to the core, and wouldn't be the man to tarnish her good name.
It wasn't until the Daily Prophet was delivered during breakfast that the other students started to stare, point, and whisper. He groaned, realizing it must already be in the paper. The writers at the Daily Prophet loved to parade the problems of the Death Eaters and their families. Tracey reached out and laid her hand on his, giving him a small smile.
Even their friends... the ones at their own table were giving him strange looks. Some looked like pity, others disgust. It wasn't every day that someone lost their inheritance and even worse, it was a mark of shame to have your father convicted of the crimes all the rest of their parents took part in.
"Don't look at them, Theo," Tracey said under her breath. "Look at me, okay?" Their fingers intertwined and they ate their breakfast in silence.
Theo couldn't look at her though. He couldn't look at anyone. It was a nightmare, a waking nightmare. He breathed a sigh of relief when he finally got to his dorms after the last class of the day, skipping dinner to hide away. Getting away from the looks and taunts were enough for him to go hungry. He pulled the curtains across his four-post, relishing in the silence, but wishing he had asked Tracey to join him, but he knew he'd feel bad if he asked her to miss dinner because of him. He sighed, closing his eyes and laying back on the bed. He heard her footsteps coming down to the dungeons and smiled, grateful that she always came to him.
Tracey didn't even knock. He knew she was there. He always knew she'd be there. So, she opened his curtain and handed him a plate. "Here, you'll need this, love," she said as she kissed him softly. "I didn't even bother going down to supper. The elves made your favourite." She sat cross-legged on his bed and picked up a bread stick.
He nodded, sitting up and leaning against the wall. He picked at the food, not really eating it but thankful that Tracey had thought of him. She always thought of him, and he knew he didn't deserve it. Setting the half-eaten plate on the floor, and reached over to take her plate to set it next to his. He pulled her in his arms. She leaned against him, closing her eyes as she laid her head against his chest. "Thank you, Tracey," he whispered, kissing the top of her head.
Tracey didn't say anything, but just held him quietly until she could almost feel her eyes grow heavy. Pulling away from him, she asked quietly, "Theo, we can't hide forever. Come for a walk with me, please. We don't have to go where there are a lot of people... but we just can't stay here. We'll go mad staying here. It's not your fault this happened, we can't go on acting like it is."
He sighed, knowing she was right. "Can I hide for tonight?" Seeing her shake her head slightly, he sighed heavily again. "Fine. How about we go to the back grounds... near the Gamekeeper's place. What's his name anyway?" The gamekeeper's name didn't matter, but it was a new topic. He needed to think of something else for his own sanity.
"Hag-something or other. Like I'd remember that oaf's name," she replied with a self satisfied grin as she pulled him out of his bed. "The back grounds are a lovely idea. I think some of the blossoms might already be out. The early ones." Tracey thought about excusing herself to get her cloak, but instead she walked to Blaise's wardrobe and pulled out one of his. He wouldn't miss it, not for one night, and she longed to tease him that she snogged Theo while wearing it.
Theo grabbed her hand, leading her up the stairs and out through the back halls of the castle. No one was in sight as they walked out the big doors; he scanned the grounds, wanting to avoiding everyone if it were at all possible. Holding hands, they walked through the grounds, going farther and farther from the castle with each step. Dropping her hand, he draped his arm over her shoulders, pulling her protectively against his side. The sky was getting darker and the stars were starting to come out. He glanced upward, enjoying the view. At least that hadn't changed. Glancing sideways, he looked at Tracey. She hadn't changed either. He pulled her tighter, turning her so she was standing in front of him.
He reached down, caressing her cheek and looking at her with pure affection in his gaze. He gently rubbed his thumbs over her lips and she shivered against him. Her lips were soft when he finally touched them with his own and she sighed into his mouth as he kissed her deeply. His hands moved up to cup her face in his hands gently.
Tracey loved when he kissed her with his hands on her face. She grasped the belt loops on his trousers and pulled herself closer to him.
Their one long kiss became several quick ones and Theo slid his hand down her side as he touched her lips with his tongue, begging entrance that she'd gladly give him. His tongue swept in, tasting her eagerly. Her hands moved to wrap around him, pulling him closer. He slanted his mouth over hers again and again, wanting nothing more than to be as close as he could get to her. He always felt so close to her when they kissed like this, yet she seemed so far away at other times. He couldn't touch her the way he wanted to, but closing his eyes against the kiss, he thought, This will be good enough for me. This is perfect.
Breathing heavily, he pulled back. She tightened her arms around him afraid he'd pull away completely.
"Theo, I..." She wanted to badly to tell him that she'd been wrong about wanting to wait, that she'd been thinking on it for a long time and had changed her mind. She wanted to say a lot of things, but it hardly seemed the time when he had to deal with so much other shite right now. So, she stopped herself from saying anything and just reached for his hand in the darkness.
"Hey, do you want to go to Hogsmeade instead of staying out here? There will be no crowds of students... It would be... quieter," he said, glancing around. No one was in sight, but he felt like unseen eyes were burning a hole in his back.
She nodded slowly. Her face was impassive, showing no sign of how she really felt about his suggestion, but it was clear that she was keeping something from him. Getting to Hogsmeade wasn't easy, but it wasn't impossible either. They'd done it before, and since they were seventeen and could Apparate, all they had to do was get off the grounds.
The large gates that marked out the grounds were easy enough to climb over... when you had a wand that could levitate someone, and they soon found themselves walking together hand in hand from the shadows where they Apparated. There was a small green in the centre of the village where Theo and Tracey had often sat on Hogsmeade weekends over their years together. It was there that Tracey thought they were headed, but Theo walked them past their usual bench and pulled her down an alley she'd never been down before.
He pulled her into the alley, pulling her body against his simultaneously. His mouth found hers in the dark, kissing her deeply as his arms wrapped around her waist, holding her close. She wrapped her hands around his neck, pulling him down toward her and eagerly deepening the kiss. His mouth slanted over hers again and again and suddenly he found himself shaking with need. He normally had better control, but after all of this mess with his father, he needed her. He gently pushed her up against the wall of a building, trailing kisses down her neck.
Normally, this was the part where Tracey pulled back and made some lame excuse about waiting until marriage or wanting their wedding night to be perfect. She'd been using those lines for at least two years, but until very recently she'd actually meant them. The desire to wait had grown less and less important to her the closer to graduation they'd gotten. She just hadn't mentioned it to Theo. To him, she must seem like a lunatic, driving him to near insanity only to tell him to stop all the time. Now she didn't want him to stop and she was afraid that he would. She ground herself into him and his hand skirted the hem of her jumper. He smoothed his hand over the soft skin of her stomach and she couldn't help but shiver at his touch.
He couldn't believe she wasn't backing away; she wasn't telling him she wanted to wait. He kissed her roughly, pressing her body against the wall harder as she ground against him, making him ache with desire. He was already ready for her, but he knew she had to be ready to. His hand traveled up, landing on her breasts and massaging it gently. Her nipple puckered and she moaned into his mouth, arching her back up to his touch. It wasn't like they hadn't got this far before, but this was quickly reaching the limits of their mutual experience.
"What the hell?" someone shouted, making Theo pull his hand from underneath his girlfriend's jumper almost as quickly as it had strayed there. He held her still, waiting to hear more. "What the hell are you doing, Mr. Reynolds? You are waving your wand at me like I'm some kind of threat! I'm not a threat!"
Theo kissed Tracey's temple before turning around shielding her behind him against the wall. He searched for the voices and immediately saw two men a few feet away. They didn't seem to notice that anyone else was in the alley, and Theo figured they were hidden in the shadows and safe. The dark-haired wizard was a bit on the chubby side and was waving a wand at a tall thin man with wiry glasses who looked frightened and angry. Theo placed his finger to Tracey's lips and whispered almost inaudibly, "Be quiet, love."
Their altercation was a blur. One minute there was only silence in the air and the next there was a green flash and the tall man went down hard on the ground. The heavier man glared down at the man, without a hint of remorse or sadness in his eyes. "You should have stayed out of my business," he practically yelled at the unmoving body. He smoothly walked out of the alley, leaving the dead man on the ground behind him.
Theo turned and wrapped his arms around Tracey, pulling her close to where her head was against his chest. She was shaking uncontrollably. "It's okay," he murmured trying to comfort her. "It's okay."
Tracey was clearly still in shock. Her head was nodding but all she could see was the green light as the man had fallen. The tears started falling down her face and her knees grew weak. "We have to go home, Theo. I can't-" her voice erupted in choked sobbing.
"Shh, Trace. You're okay," he whispered into her hair as he Apparated them to the gates at Hogwarts. He lead her gently toward the dungeons, not even caring about the looks they received. When they reached the stairs, he lifted her in his arms, not trusting her to make it down the stairs without falling while she was sobbing into his chest. He carried her to the boys' dormitory, glaring at Greg who was just walking out, and laid her on his bed. He got up and lay beside her, pulling her into his arms. He used his wand to draw the curtain closed and cover them.
"It's okay," he whispered, kissing her hair gently. "You're okay." She continued to cry until she fell asleep in his arms, clinging to him for dear life.
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