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Title: Searching for a Change; chapter 2 the Invitation
Words: circa 2700 (this chapter)
Rating: PG (this chapter)
Characers/Pairings: Snape/Tonks
Warnings: none.
Author's Notes: Thank you to my beta, the amazing (and extremely quick) [livejournal.com profile] jandjsalmon. All mistakes are mine, not hers.
Summary: (this chapter) Tonks visits Snape again, and he gets invited to a social
Previous chapters: 1 | 2

Severus did not understand why Tonks had shown up at his doorstep that day, or why their two hour conversation still echoed in his head the next day. He couldn't get her words to stop replaying themselves in his head or the soft touch of her lips on his cheek.

She was insane, he decided after contemplating matters for a few hours. She had to be insane for seeking him out.

Even with her mental state already decided, Severus couldn't help but wonder why she was so interested. He couldn't figure out what had happened to drive her to such extremes as to get sloshed in a bar and then seek him out at his home.

His confusion grew when Tonks was at his door again two days later, her patented smile firmly in place. "Wotcher, Severus!" she greeted him happily when he opened the door.

This time she didn't wait to be invited in, she slid right past him. Severus had left a cauldron in the middle of the floor of the living room where he had been putting the ingredients for a pain relief potion. Tonks stumbled over the cauldron and fell forward. She put her hands out to catch herself and then rebounded back on her feet.

She smiled at him meekly. He looked at her with distain that he couldn't hide. He could hardly believe someone so unobservant and clumsy could be such an efficient Auror. She flopped down in the same chair she had sat in before and looked at him expectantly.

With a heavy sigh, Severus made his way gracefully by the cauldron and sat down across from her. "What do you want this time?"

She gave him an annoyed look. "I told you I was going to come again."

Severus noticed that her hair was a lighter brown than it had been. "I was trying to repress the memory."

Tonks laughed, trying to find humor in his heartless words. "Too bad. Now, what are you up to?" She gestured toward the cauldron in the middle of the floor.

"If you must know—"

"I must," she cut him off.

He raised his eyebrows. "If you must know, I was getting ready to brew a pain relief potion."

"You're in pain?" She actually looked concerned for him.

"No, I used all mine last night on a headache and I was making some to replace it. I like to have some on hand constantly."

She nodded. "That's smart!"

He didn't respond. She screwed her face up as she tried to think then said, "I'm horrible at potions. I know you're good, maybe you could help me some time with some of the more important ones."

"As an Auror aren't you supposed to be well-versed in potion-making?" His interest was piqued.

"Oh I am well-versed. I know how to make them. I'm just not very good at it." He must have been giving her an unbelieving look because she continued to embellish on her answer. "I know all the ingredients, how and when to add them, I'm just rubbish at paying attention to time, setting, and other specifics."

"But you can make them?"

"Certainly. When I have to that is." She grinned at him like she had said something clever.

"Right," he said dismissively. She didn't make much sense to him, but he didn't dare ask her to expand on her answer any further.

She nodded. Jumping to her feet, she walked over to the cauldron, being careful to watch where she was walking. She knelt and peered inside. "I see some nutmeg."

He nodded. "Nutmeg is an essential ingredient. An Auror should know that."

She sighed. "Of course I do. And I can recognize it too!" Her sarcasm almost made him smile.

"I see that." He watched her as she looked in the cauldron, as if she was trying to figure out if he had been telling the truth about what he had been making.

She jumped back to her feet and bounced to her seat again. "Are you heading back to Hogwarts?"

"In a day or so," Severus told her.

She frowned.

"What?" he asked with annoyance.

"I'll just miss you when you go back to Hogwarts," she told him honestly.

He chuckled. "You've only seen me twice since the war. You won't miss me. You'll hardly remember me. You don't know me." He was adamant in his words, but she didn't look as though she was buying it.

"Actually, no. I do know you, and I definitely will remember you." Her voice was just as strong as his and she sounded as though she was just as confident in what she said as he had been in what he said.

"You may think you know me," he allowed in a cautious voice.

She rolled her eyes.

Severus noticed the Daily Prophet sitting on the table beside her and remembered an article he had read in it that morning. "Your werewolf is getting married."

Tonks visibly stiffened. "He's not my werewolf."

"Well, he's getting married regardless of whoever or whatever he is," he said conversationally.

"I may have heard that… somewhere," she said softly.

"It was in the Daily Prophet."

She snorted. "Oh yeah, I'm sure he wants everyone to know he's tying the knot with a witch."

"By personality or heritage?" Severus asked with a touch of sarcasm.

Tonks grinned. "Both."

He allowed himself to smile at her. "I'm sure. Who else would have him?"

Her smile fell from face immediately. He knew he had just had a mistake at saying that, but he didn't know how grave.

"I would have," she whispered in an almost inaudible voice.

Severus shook his head. "You would have changed your mind eventually."

"I'm not fickle!" Tonks declared.

"I didn't say that."

"You implied that." She scowled.

"It wasn’t my intention," he admitted unapologetically.

"Well, you did anyway."

"Back to the werewolf, who is this woman?"

Tonks shrugged. "Some woman from the Ministry. I've never heard of her, let alone met her. She wasn't in the Order either." She said the last bit like it was a massive strike against the woman.

"I wasn't part of the Order," Severus pointed out evenly.

"You were in the Order. Sure, you were a spy much of the time and your loyalties were divided, as they had to be, but you were part of the Order. I know you were – I was there with you."

He shook his head. "No, I acted as though I was in the Order."

"You were a spy, Severus, but you were in the Order. End of discussion." She looked quite determined for her word to be the last word, and he was inclined to let her. "Dumbledore believed you."

"And look where believing in me got Dumbledore?" he retorted in a self-loathing voice.

Tonks frowned at him. Her eyes were suddenly filled with sorrow and pity for him. He looked away from her quickly, hating that look in her eyes and disliking more that he had caused it.

"Severus," she whispered in a voice full of emotion.

Looking back at her, he said sharply, "Don't."

She looked taken back briefly. "Don't what?"

"Don't feel sorry for me." His voice was cold and hard.

She sighed and her mouth turned upward into a small, soft smile that didn't reach her eyes. Her eyes still portrayed her true feelings of grief and sadness. She was kind-hearted, and Severus doubted if she could stop herself from feeling sorry for him if she had wanted to.

"I'm sorry. I don't feel sorry for you," she tried.

He didn't believe her, but for the sake of their discussion he gave in. "Don't apologize either."

She pressed her lips together, as if trying to suppress something she wanted to say. "Dumbledore believe in you to his death—"

"By my wand," Severus interjected bitterly.

"—He didn't doubt you for a moment. He knew your loyalty to him would lead to his death, but he allowed it. He gave you permission… He wanted you to kill him. For those reasons, no one – not even you – can hold his murder over your head." She said her spiel as if she actually believed what she said. He didn't agree, so he merely looked back at her with a blank stare. "Severus, you couldn't stop yourself. You might as well been under the Imperius curse."

"Tonks, that's not true," he contradicted her. He felt as if her name was wrong coming out from his mouth, but she didn't react.

"It is! It was your death or his. He wanted to die; you didn't want to die. It's a no-brainer." The look he gave her was full of impatience and her voice was slightly high pitched from what seemed to border on hysterics.

"Not really. I would have died had he not asked me to kill him instead." He said this in a low voice, feeling weighed down from the truth and burdens he still carried from his past actions.

Tonks looked at him sadly again, her fake smile falling from her face completely. "He knew that." She stood up and slowly walked away the room to him.

He looked away and didn't move as she approached him. Kneeling in front of him, she took one of his hands in her small warm ones. "Severus, look at me." When he didn't she squeezed her hand. "Please look at me."

With a heavy sigh, Severus turned slowly to look at her. She looked into his eyes with her own that were filled with sadness, grief, and pity for him. "Severus, Dumbledore knew your loyalty lied with him. He knew you wouldn't go against his orders if they were so blatantly said to you. Nor would he remove your Unbreakable Vow. He gave you no choice. He trusted you and what you would do. You could have run, but you chose to stay like he ordered you to do. Because you are a good man."

It was clear that her words were heartfelt, and she truly believed what she said. She believed in him.

He broke the eye contact and looked towards the door. Part of him wished Tonks would just leave, but another part wished she would stay and continue to be kind to him.

She followed his eyes and sighed. The moment of tenderness was shattered. "You want me to leave?"

"No," he said in a voice that was almost inaudible.

She smiled up at him. "Good. I wasn't going to go anyway."

He scowled, wishing he had taken the opportunity to make her leave.

"I was invited, you know," she said thoughtfully as she sat back down in her chair. He was thankful for the distance again.

"You were invited where?" His voice was harsh and he didn't do anything to rectify it.

"I was invited to Remus's wedding." She watched him, waiting for his reaction.

"I wonder why he'd invite you, his ex," he said, feigning thoughtfulness and interest.

She shrugged. "He was never mine, so I don't think he even thinks of me as an ex." She was obviously forcing the smile to stay in place.

"Well, are you going to go?" he asked irritably.

"I was thinking about it. You know, to show him I don't think of him that way anymore."

"I didn't realize," he muttered out loud.

"Realize what?" she asked, genuinely confused.

"That you were vindictive," he told her with a bitter smile. She was full of surprises.

"I'm not vindictive," she denied, though her grin was telling. It was wide and genuine – and full of mischief.

"You are, but I never said it was a bad thing."

She grinned wider if that were possible. "Anyway, I'm allowed to bring a guest. It is a wedding…"

"So you're allowed to bring a date," he agreed, still skeptical

"Well, naturally. But I'm thinking more of just bringing a guest," she informed him, her words chosen carefully.

"Do you want me to guess or something?"

Her eyes flashed with a momentary annoyance before being replaced with mischief. "You."

"Me what?" Severus felt confused suddenly.

"I want you to accompany me," Tonks told him with a playful grin.

It took him a moment to understand what she was asking. "You want me to be your date to the werewolf's wedding?" His voice was blank, showing no sign of acceptance or rejection to the offer.

"I want you to be my guest," she corrected him. Her grin fell and she looked at him expectantly.

"Why me?"

She shrugged. "Remus hates you, for one thing. And as a fringe benefit, I like you. You're intriguing. I think we'd have a good time." She flashed him an impish grin. "We could make fun of the other wedding guests, especially the other Order members. You know you want to…" She said in a suggestive and enticing voice.

"Yeah. I supposed I could go with you…" he said in a careful voice.

"Could or will?"

He sighed heavily. "It would be nice to crash the werewolf's wedding."

She grinned. "Brilliant!"

"When is the wedding exactly?" He could barely believe he had agreed to go as her date to the wedding. Well, actually it was as a guest, but the meaning was the same and both of them knew it.

"Next Tuesday," she told him. She made a face. "It's at the garden in Diagon Alley."

"You don't like the Diagon Alley gardens?"

"It's not that. It's just tacky, you know. Everyone gets married there – it's public, relatively beautiful and large."

Severus repressed a smile. She definitely surprised him with some of her opinions. He never would have guessed she had such a strong opinion of a place for weddings while they were in the Order together. "Well, those are normal qualities to look for in a place to host a wedding…"

She shrugged. "It doesn't matter. It's a 10 in the morning. The reception is at the Leaky Cauldron—" There was oblivious distain in her voice at that choice as well. "—at 11. We should make an appearance there, too." She grinned. "Better targets there."

He nodded. "Will you be mad if I choose to wear black dress robes there?"

Her grinned widen. "Oh no! I'll be wearing black dress robes as well."

He couldn't help, but laugh. "Grieving are you?"

"The poor woman saddled with him, and the poor witch he's saddled with. Mourning isn’t the correct term." She grinned mischievously at him.

"I'll meet you outside the Diagon Alley gardens at 9:30 then…" he said in a way he hoped put an end to the topic.

"Actually, can we meet at the gate to Diagon Alley, so we arrive to the wedding together?" She looked at him uncertainly.

He nodded slowly. "Of course."

She smiled, pleased that he had agreed. Her eyes wandered to the clock on the wall and she sighed. "I have to go. I have to work tonight." She seemed sad that she had to leave him. He wasn’t sure, but he thought he might feel the same way.

He nodded again. "Okay. Goodbye." He didn't move to walk her out, and she didn't move from her seat for a moment. With a heavy sigh, she stood up and walked alone to the door. "Tonks…"

She turned back to look at him questioningly. "Yes?"

"Thank you for stopping by." The words came out softly, surprising even him.

She smiled at him shyly. "No problem. I'll see you Tuesday. If not before," she added. She slid out the door.

Severus hadn't moved to accompany Tonks to the door, because he suddenly felt unsure of himself. He had the suddenly and nearly irresistible urge to touch her, to kiss her perhaps. She was full of such complexities and surprises that she intrigued him. Her bubbly nature was genuine, but she had a genuine vindictive and human streak underneath it. She was kind, gentle, warm, and she kept coming back.

That surprised him most of all. The fact that Tonks kept seeking him out was almost more shocking than the fact she wasn't as straightforward as he had thought during their time with the Order together.

As if with a sudden realization, he remembered that he had agreed to accompany her to Remus's wedding, where he wasn't invited and wasn't wanted. He smiled to himself.
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January 2024

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