1 one-shot: Edward/Bella
Feb. 3rd, 2007 09:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amorphousTitle: It Took Ten Years
Words: in the nieghborhood of 7000
Rating: NC-17
Characers/Pairings: Edward/Bella, the Cullens, Hales, Volturi
Warnings: SMUT. This is smut therefore no one under the age of 17 should read it!
Author's Notes: Dedicated to and written for Jess (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jandjsalmon). She wanted Twilight smut, so here it is for her (written while she was out of town and I anxiously awaited her return)! I also tried not make it PWP since I enjoy my smut accompanied with plot, so, Jess, let me know if I succeeded. It was actually kind of difficult to write, but it was a labor of love (that sounds horrid, I'm sorry). Just label me the "pervert" of the Twilight fandom!
Summary: It took Aro over ten years to come for Bella, and it took ten years, and a trip to Italy, for something to break in Edward and Bella's relationship. (Edward/Bella smut)
Edward had been right. Aro hadn’t contacted the Cullens in search of Bella for over ten years.
Edward stared at the young vampire; his eyes were burgundy showing that he feasted on human blood and not too long ago it seemed with the bright color.
Bella sat at the chair near the door, wishing someone would say something. The silence that encompassed the room was suffocating. She had been turned twelve years ago and part of her seemed to still be getting used to her new way of life. Some changes had were both instantaneous and instinctive; other parts had to be learned. Edward had taught her, and the Cullens had welcomed her into their family openly, helping her cope with the loss of her own.
“He wants to see her?” Alice repeated. She was standing by the door with Jasper. Bella noticed that she was holding his hand – probably for comfort as well as the simple feel of the touch.
The vampire stranger nodded solemnly. “He wants her to come to Italy. He wants to know what’s become of her. If anything has become of her.”
“I’m a vampire! I’m no longer a threat,” Bella blurted out, wondering if her change of state would prevent the second meeting.
“He doesn’t care. He wants to see you no matter what.”
Jasper tried to make the silence easier, but his powers to manipulate feelings were squashed when Edward glared at him. “Jasper, now not.” Jasper sighed heavily.
“What was that?” the vampire asked, glancing around the room at the silent audience. When no one responded, he continued. “Come, Bella, it will be easier that way.”
“Are you threatening her?” Edward snapped become instantly angry and defensive.
The vampire laughed. “No. It’s always easier to go through with what Aro wants… Are you telling me you don’t know who the Volturi is?”
Edward glared at him, so Carlisle answered, “Of course we do. In fact I stayed with them a long time ago.”
“Well, then you must know how stupid it is to go against what Aro wants,” the vampire said in a dismissive tone.
“Leave,” Emmett commanded the stranger.
“Not without her—“ He glanced at Bella, making Edward move closer to her and put a protective hand on her shoulder. “—If I went back empty handed I would be asking for Aro to kill me for failing him.”
“Just leave and come back in… an hour,” Jasper reasoned with him. “We need to discuss this.” Alice nodded fervently; Rosalie frowned a beautiful pout: Emmett seemed as angry as Edward as he stood behind Rosalie’s chair; Carlisle and Esme were expressionless.
The young vampire was obviously intimidated by the eight vampires before him. “One hour,” he growled. Emmett escorted him roughly out of the house.
When Emmett returned, the silence hadn’t lifted. “What are we going to do?” he asked brazenly.
“She’s not going,” Edward declared his voice unbending and even. The anger hadn’t evaporated yet, and Bella knew talking to him in this state of mind was impossible.
She sighed. “I have to go.”
“Bella can take care of herself – not that she’ll need to. This time we will all go to Italy,” Alice said the last sentence deliberately, trying to remind the family of the time Bella had went when she was human and came back… alive and human still.
“No,” Edward repeated. He glared at Alice. Lately that had become at odds over things concerning Bella. He wanted to protect her; Alice firmly believed there were some things that Bella needed to experience for herself by herself.
“If we are all there, he won’t hurt her,” Rosalie piped up, her voice soft, hopeful.
“Aro won’t be afraid of us,” Carlisle told them plainly.
“Well, maybe not afraid, but he has to be intelligent to have made it this long, to a position of great power, so he would realize it’s not the best move to try to hurt Bella with all of us there,” she embellished. She looked uncomfortable.
Carlisle shook his head. “The Volturi won’t think twice about upsetting us.”
“She has to go though,” Alice spoke up again. “Defying him outright is just asking for him to come after her with the intention of hurting her.”
“I don’t get why it’s such a big deal,” Emmett interjected suddenly. “I mean, he’s not threatening her. He just wants to make sure she was turned. She was. That will be the end of it.”
Edward shook his head. “It won’t be that easy. Nothing is that easy.”
“Is it true that he can hear every thought someone has ever had simply by touching them?” Esme asked, trying to change the subject.
“Everyone but Bella,” Edward nearly growled. He hated her immunity to his mind reading skills, and clearly did not like she had immunity with anyone else either.
A awkward stillness blanketed the group once again. The family looked around at each other in fleeting glances trying to gauge what the others were thinking. Edward clearly had the upper hand in this situation since he could hear most of their opinions clearly.
“Fine, she’ll go!” Edward exclaimed suddenly, breaking the silence.
“Edward, we can talk about this more,” Esme tried to soothe him. Her maternal instincts awakened at the apparent pain in his exclamation and wanting to calm him.
“No. Everyone has their mind sets. You all feel she should go,” he said. For a moment his anger seemed to be muted, but Bella saw the fury flashing in his eyes and knew that his family wouldn’t miss it either.
“I have to go,” Bella said pleadingly. “I can’t risk what might happen if I don’t go.”
He glared at her, but didn’t argue.
“Edward, she needs to go,” Alice piped up. Her voice was sad, uncharacteristically broken and defeated. Jasper gave her a questioning look.
“Fine,” Edward said, edging toward the door.
“She’s going!” Rosalie proclaimed, making everyone looked over at her. “We all, even Edward though he hates the fact, knows she needs to go. We’ll all go and we will all support her, protect her if we can. That’s all we can do.” Instead of her normally calm and eloquent way of speaking, her words were rushed and she looked panicked.
“Rose’s right,” Emmett agreed nodding at her. She smiled gratefully at him.
“I said she was going,” Edward reminded them in a bitter voice.
“Don’t sulk then. It’s a trip to Italy! Think of as a honeymoon,” Emmett suggested.
Bella saw Rosalie roll her eyes, but a gentle smile played on her lips. Alice shook her head at his comment clearly not amused.
“It’s not a honeymoon,” Edward replied, not even glancing Bella’s way.
Feeling slightly ignored when the conversation was about her, Bella said, “Well, certainly not a second one since we never a first.”
Emmett seemed to have trouble suppressing his amusement when he let out a deep, but short, laugh gaining himself a dark look from Edward.
“That was your choice,” Edward reminded, meeting her eyes for the first time since the vampire fetcher left.
Bella grinned. “It was. Besides the fact, it’s been ten years since my first visit to Italy; I’m due for another one.”
There was a knock on the front door, surprising no one, and Esme walked across the room to open it. “You’re early,” she greeted the unwelcome guest again. Her normally motherly smile and attitude was not extended to the vampire who walked past her rudely.
“I know. I need to know now,” the vampire seemed on edge, anxious as if something had happened outside the house to cause him to loose his arrogant swagger of being given the duty to fetch someone for a member of the Volturi.
Jasper seemed to be the only one willing to voice the noticeable change in the man as the rest of the group observed him in silence. “What happened?”
“Nothing,” the vampire said hurriedly. He looked around himself without moving his head, as if looking for something.
“Well, why the sudden change? You said an hour… it’s barely been twenty minutes,” Jasper pressed, watching the eye closely.
“I just got bored. You sure do pick a boring town to settle in.”
Jasper didn’t let the subject drop. “If you don’t tell us why you are suddenly jumpy and nervous, we don’t tell you our decision.”
The vampire looked behind him at the door, and then back to the group. “Aro is here,” he hissed. The fear that was etched on his face was clear.
“Here? Why?” Carlisle demanded, jumping to his feet.
The vampire shook his head. “I don’t know. He just suddenly… appeared.”
Edward moved in front of Bella in a protective gesture, as if believing the stranger. Carlisle shook his head. “He won’t come here, not even for someone he wants. He lives in Italy; he has prided himself on the life he has built himself and the life and society he has built within the Volturi. He won’t leave it.”
“Then why is he here?” the vampire demanded, his voice shaking with fear.
Bella knew vampires didn’t get scared often; she rarely felt the emotion herself since on conversion. It was as if knowing she was immortal and had only one way to die that she couldn’t feel the same degree of fear as those who know they are susceptible to death each day. Seeing the vampire with burgundy eyes plainly terrified make a shiver run down her spine.
“He’s not here,” Edward announced, smugness in his voice that could only be caused by him invading the man’s thoughts.
The guest changed instantly, the fear vanishing. “He did contact me…”
“He did,” Edward agreed, “Bella will go to Italy, but we will all be accompanying her.”
“That wasn’t what he asked for! He asked for her only. I don’t know what he will do if I show up with seven other vampires.”
“Too bad, we’re going,” Emmett said, his brawny frame no longer intimidated Bella, but the other vampire took a step backward at his fierceness.
Alice nodded. “We are going.”
The vampire glared at the group. “Fine. Have it your way.”
“We will,” Emmett retorted, obviously disliking the guest.
“What’s your name?” Esme asked suddenly, looking at the stranger with soft eyes.
The outsider scrutinized the group in front of him, trying to decide weather or not to tell the truth or even answer the question.
“Don’t lie,” Edward warned his voice lethal in his hatred to the unnamed man. His topaz eyes narrowed into slits as he watched the man.
“Victor,” he revealed grudgingly. “Not that you need to know.”
“Well, Victor, are you going to wait for us or are you going back right away?” Esme asked, her maternal personality taking over again now that the danger seemed to be gone for the moment.
“Now. I’m going now.” He was out the door before the group could bid him farewell or offer him a death threat.
“We have to leave tomorrow,” Carlisle said, standing up. “Tonight we rest…”
Bella always hated that expression. To a human rest meant sleeping or at least trying to, but as a vampire it meant to bide time.
She frowned, feeling the anxiety of the upcoming trip begin to take hold. She was going to see the Volturi, and they wanted her. She shuddered at the thought of what Aro wanted with her now that she was no longer human, a feeding source or a risk of vampires being discovered through her knowledge.
Jasper and Alice were the first to wander out of the silent room, walking outside into the rain. The rain always reminded Bella was her blurred and detached memories of Forks. She had met the Cullens there, fell in love with Edward there; it rarely stopped raining in Forks, and Bella had hated it. Now the rain was a reminder of her life as a human that had already ended. She didn’t regret her conversion – she loved Edward, adored the Cullens, and found very little problems with being immortal and a vampire – but the question of what her life would be like now if she were still a human was always there.
Rosalie smiled at Bella suddenly and leaned forward. “You should talk to Edward. He only worries because he loves you,” she whispered wisely to her. She glanced at her brother for a moment before turning back to Bella and giving her another smile.
Rosalie’s animosity towards Bella had vanished the first time Bella and Alice had went to Italy. Edward had tried to get himself killed by the Volturi then, because he thought Bella had died, and the girls had raced there to try to save his life. Bella had realized most of her bitter feelings hadn’t stemmed from genuine dislike, but from the fact that when Bella was human, she was want Rosalie wanted to be. It was pure envy.
Rosalie ended up being a sweet girl, full of smiles despite her glares and frowns in the beginning, and advice that only a long life could have given her. She had sage wisdom that had allowed her to vote no when Bella had surveyed the Cullens on whether they wanted her to join them as a vampire. “This is not the life I would have chosen for myself,” Rosalie had said over ten years ago. It pained Bella to know she took the girl’s sincerity and ignored it as she begged Edward to change her.
Emmett came up behind his wife and whispered something in her ear. She nodded and with one last smile to Bella and nod toward Edward, she and Emmett joined the other couple in the rain.
“Edward,” Carlisle said suddenly into the silence, “I’ll make the preparations. We are all going…” It was as if he knew exactly what Edward was thinking and that he was formulating a plan that just Bella and he could make the trip to Italy to face Aro themselves.
Edward glared at Carlisle, but nodded. He relented when it came to Carlisle often, seeing him as both a father-figure and friend.
Esme stood up and held her hand out to Carlisle, “Come on, dear, I’ll help.” She smiled warmly at Bella as a goodbye, ignoring Edward’s dark glaze. The couple exited the room without another word, heading upstairs.
The prolonged silence made Bella uncomfortable. She squirmed in her seat, unable to allow herself to be the first to break the silence.
“Bella if you have something to say just say it,” Edward told her. He turned his yellow eyes onto her, and his gaze was no longer angry and bitter. Concern filled his eyes.
Bella sighed, wanting to make him feel better, but not knowing how to. She didn’t move to embrace him, because she thought he’d reject her and push her way. “Edward… I have to go…”
“I know,” he told her. His stare was unflinching and his tone sincere.
“So… you respect the… decision?” She chose her words carefully, not wanting to ignite the anger she knew wasn’t buried too far deep down.
His eyes narrowed slightly. “I don’t have a choice.”
“You could stay…”
He glared at her now; the fury he was looking at her with surpassed the fury he had thrown at Victor. “I don’t know how you can even think that let alone say it!”
“I think a lot of things I don’t say,” Bella muttered, glancing downward. She knew that wasn’t even a possibility. Despite her vampire status, he still saw her as someone he had to protect. Out of love.
He continued to glare at her, waiting for the catch to her suggestion but that it was an insult.
She sighed heavily, returning his glare for the first time. “Fine! Come, but come because you want to, not because you feel you have to!” She stormed out of the living room and took haven in their shared bedroom without waiting for his reply. He didn’t follow her, and she wasn’t sure if that was a good sign on a bad sign. She grabbed a dog-eared copy of her favorite book and wrapped herself in a blanket, trying to remember what it felt like to be warm. To be human.
Vampires normally didn’t send some nobody to fetch a human – at least not in her short experience. Nor were men as impossible as Edward if they were human too, and loved a human.
“Humans are less complicated than vampires,” Bella whispered into the empty room as she scanned the book for her favorite part.
---
Edward tried to make up. Instead he avoided Balla all night, allowing her to sulk by reading and listening to Debussy. Everyone kept their distance as well, unsure what was causing the rift exactly. If it was the upcoming trip to Italy, they knew none of them could do a thing to help.
Edward was irritable to everyone, casting a dark cloud as the whole group packed and boarded the plane to Italy. They flew first class, making the flight easier and the people surrounding them more polite and less distracting. Bella was used to the looks they got by now, the envious or shocked expressions when they noticed their beauty. She buried her head in a book for the duration and ignored Alice when she tried to strike up a conversation.
“I can’t take it!” Alice cried suddenly, getting a few odd looks from fellow passengers. She lowered her voice. “What is wrong with you Bella?”
“Could it be I’m flying to Italy to confront a vampire whose intentions I have no clue about,” Bella hissed back, making sure no one else could hear her.
“That’s not it. It should be it, but it’s not.” Alice frowned at her. “Bella, what happened?”
“Nothing. I just want to read.” Bella deliberately brought the open book up between her and Alice’s faces.
“Child,” Alice muttered, but she slumped back down in her own seat, silent.
“Don’t worry, Alice,” Bella could hear Jasper whisper, “It’ll work itself out. You don’t need to fix anything. They always work it out on their own.”
“Jasper—Jasper, they shouldn’t be going to Italy in a fight. They… they might… need each other,” she stumbled the words out. Bella was instantly aware that Alice knew something no one else did. She had obviously had a vision of their trip and not told anyone.
The rest of the group seemed to come to attention at her words too, leaning closer to the couple.
“Alice… You saw something!” Edward accused loudly from his seat two away from her.
”Shh,” Carlisle tried to quiet him. He placed a calm smile on his face that he had perfected during his work as a doctor on his face as he turned to their new audience. “I’m sorry he disturbed you.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Edward said unconvincingly.
The other passengers turned back to their own activities, but seemed uneasy now to be in first class with the Cullens. In a lower voice Carlisle turned to Alice and started again, “Alice did you have a vision?”
Alice frowned deeply. She did not want to divulge whatever she knew. “Yes. Two weeks ago.”
”You didn’t say anything?” Edward said in disbelieving anger. Emmett’s expression matched Edward’s outward anger. Rosalie and Esme merely looked at Alice with disappointed stares – as if she had betrayed their trust a bit. Jasper laid a soothing hand on Alice’s shoulder for unsaid support, but he had grim expression on his face.
Carlisle was as cool and collected as ever, his voice was even when he spoke again and his words chosen with precision. “Please tell us what you saw. Is Bella in danger?”
Alice shook her head. “He merely wants to see what has become of her; she’s safe as a vampire. If she wasn’t coming willingly, then she would have been in danger. Lethal danger,” she added the last two words in a whisper.
“Why didn’t you tell us this yesterday or two weeks ago?” Edward questioned, his protective instincts toward Bella coming out again.
“Because Bella has to do things for herself, Edward. You can’t protect her forever!” she exclaimed in a near yell.
“What else do you know you have… failed to tell us?” Edward asked accusatory, glaring at her.
“Shush,” Esme tried to calm the two to no avail.
“I know she has to do things, learn certain things for herself,” Alice repeated fervently.
“Alice, you have always told us of your visions before, what stopped you this time?” Carlisle questioned her. He wore an expressionless mask, probably perfected for when he delivered bad news to patients.
“She was safe. She was in no danger. Carlisle, we can’t teach her everything.”
He nodded, seeming to understand her reasoning.
“Don’t you think Bella has a right to know?” Edward shot at her.
“Don’t you mean don’t I think you have a right to know?” Alice retorted, glaring at him.
He backed up as if her words had slapped him. “No, of course not.”
“Yes, you do,” Bella interjected. “You’re always trying to protect me… Yes, it’s with love, but stop. You’re suffocating me.” The statement fell out of her mouth before she could rethink them. She had tried to ebb her feelings, because she loved him, but his lack of faith in her had started to take its toll on her.
“Bella, I know you can take care of yourself,” he offered, looking away from Alice to look at her. He still looked upon her with love, but there was an underlying guilt. After a decade, he still felt guilty for turning her.
“Haven’t I proven myself?” she continued, saying the words she had bottled up for years. The resentment, the hurt was boiling over and she was done trying to contain it. “I have! Even before you… changed me, I have proven myself. I can take care of myself, and I will. With or without you.”
The rest of the Cullens watched her outburst in shocked silence. Everyone seemed surprised by her feelings.
“Edward, you know I want to be with you, but you have to trust me. Stop treating me like a little kid, like some fragile human. I’m not. I can protect myself. Have faith in me for goodness sake!”
His golden eyes looked into hers and the more guilt seemed to creep in to overshadow his anger and perhaps hurt from her words.
“And stop feeling guilty!” she yelled in his silence. She stood up and bolted to the back of the plane. The passengers didn’t try to hide their gawking now. She felt embarrassed at the scene she created, but refused to stay.
A stewardess stopped her and tried to ask her what she needed but she cut her off, telling her she was sick. The woman stepped back and pointed to the back of the plane. Bella locked herself in the restroom for the rest of the flight, to the annoyance and anger at the other passengers.
---
Bella hated confrontation and avoided it at all cost, but the whole trip to Italy was to confront Aro. She avoided Edward the rest of the flight so she could try to put her issues with him aside during her meeting with Aro and not let them distract her in case she wound up in danger.
The group went through the underground tunnel to the Volturi’s lair without an escort. Bella noticed that Gianna was no longer receptionist; the new human there seemed as uncaring of what the vampires were done to the one prior to her. Bella wondered what had become of Gianna and if the human had faced the fate that Edward had predicted she would.
This nameless woman smiled at them kindly and looked closely at Carlisle, as if knowing of his tiny past with the Volturi. “You have an appointment,” she told him and gestured toward the door. It was obvious that they were to enter the room on their own.
Bella was vaguely aware that this would be the time that her heart would start beating faster and pumping the blood through her veins in a frantic pace had she still been human. She found herself missing the normal bodily response to fear in the absence of one.
The group assembled before them was much like it had been her first visit. Aro stood when they entered, smiling grimly. “Ah…”
Victor was sitting in a chair next to Jane watching Bella intently.
“You are one of us now,” the old vampire said. He reached out to shake the group’s hands, but all of them eyed his had knowingly and didn’t move to shake his hand. He smiled, amused by their weariness.
“Bella is now a vampire. She’s no longer a threat to our secret,” Carlisle said. Bella noticed that his speech was as smooth and articulate as the Volturi’s spokesman.
”Is she still immune?” Jane piped up from her seat.
Victor sat up straighter. “What is she immune to?”
“She used to be immune to our powers,” Jane replied, grinning at Bella maliciously.
Edward move protective toward Bella again, but she purposely move away from him, closer to Jane. “I’m still immune to Edward’s powers.”
Jane narrowed her eyes in concentration and glared at Bella, clearly trying to inflict pain. Bella felt nothing and shrugged. “I guess I’m still immune to you, too.”
The girl flounced back down into her chair and glared sulkily at her.
Edward moved next to Bella and she heard him whisper, “If you weren’t immune, that would have been stupid,” in her ear then move away again. He was still unhappy with her over their fights. Bella frowned; she hated it when her and Edward fought and it really made her do stupid things.
Aro looked closer at the Cullens before him, none of them showed any fear. “Dinner’s coming. Would you like to join us?”
Bella knew their dinner meant humans, and felt instantly disgusted by the mere idea of feeding on human blood. She never had – not once. She found herself shaking her head.
“No, thank you. If you are done, actually, we’d like to leave… with your permission, of course,” Carlisle rejected the invitation.
“Go,” Aro said dismissively, waving this hand at them like they were merely gnats bothering him.
Bella forced herself not to run from the room; all eight left without another word in a calm stroll as if none of them had a care in the world. Once she was in the tunnel with no more witnesses Bella allowed herself to relax. She tuned to Esme, “Can we… run… or something? Please?” She pleaded. She wanted to avoid seeing the Volturi’s “dinner” at all costs.
Esme nodded, looking over at Carlisle. “Once we are on the street again we have to be careful again.”
Everyone seemed to want to avoid the same thing as Bella and they were eager to not see the hoard of people coming to their deaths as well.
Exiting the long tunnel took only a second while running. Bella was relieved when she could breathe the fresh air again. The group walked back to their borrowed cars, Bella was pleased to note that this time in Italy Alice did not commit grand theft auto. They drove all the way out of Italy and into France to fly back to the States.
Their trip had taken less than twenty-fours from departure to landing, but coming back felt wrong to Bella. Edward hadn’t spoken to her since his whisper during the visit with the Volturi. Bella escaped the bedroom without staying for the post-Italian trip meeting that Rosalie seemed to want to start. Bella was safe and she felt that should be the end of it.
“You know she actually cares,” Edward’s voice came from the doorway. Bella stared at the piece of paper she had gotten out. She couldn’t remember why she had gotten the paper out, but decided to pretend she was deeply engrossed in whatever she was writing. “She just doesn’t want to hide her feelings until she says it in front of everyone in anger.”
Bella turned and glared at him. “Excuse me?”
“Rose actually cares and wants her feelings known. She doesn’t hide things like some people.” Edward was glaring at her, the meaning to his words clear.
“Like me?” Bella retorted angrily.
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you mean that! Edward just say what you mean!” Bella stood up and glared at him in fury.
“Maybe I do. It’s not like you say what you mean… ever.”
“I do too! I just can’t take living this way anymore. It was my choice! I made my choice, and guess what? I don’t regret it!” Her anger had ebbed gently and she found it hard to yell anymore. She didn’t want to yell; she didn’t want to fight.
“Good. It’s not like it can be reversed,” he shot back.
“Exactly. What’s done is done. I’m sorry I’m not the human girl who you love anymore!” She glared at him, more hurt now than angry.
His demeanor softened, and the anger seemed to have lost its edge suddenly. “What?” he asked in surprise.
“I’m sorry I’m not the human girl you love anymore,” she repeated herself word for word.
“I love you,” he said slowly. He looked at her with a confused expression and all anger gone.
“No, Edward. You love the human girl I was; I’m a vampire now. I can take care of myself. I can think for myself. Love this me, not who I used to be and who you had to… protect,” she pleaded, her voice lowering to a near whisper.
“Bella…” Edward stepped toward her, but she backed up.
“No, Edward. I can’t live like this anymore.” She shook her head, her heart in her throat.
He ignored her request and crossed the room. “Bella, I’m sorry. I love you. This you.” He wrapped his arms around her to envelop her in his cold embrace and brought her against his hard chest. She leaned against him, relishing in the familiar feel.
“I just can’t take it anymore, Edward. I feel like I made you change me, to spend forever with me, and now you are forcing yourself to stay with me. Like you’d rather I was someone else, the human I was, or someone else completely. I’m not her anymore… I’m sorry, but I’m not.” She was whispered her words into his granite chest instead of looking into his eyes. She didn’t want to think of what she might see there.
Edward cupped her face in his cold hands and moved her face so that she looked at him. He was frowning but his eyes were full of warmth and love. “I’m sorry.”
She bit her lip as she looked at him. His apology was genuine. She wondered if he ever felt the strain on their relationship that she had. “It’s been over ten years,” she whispered.
“I’m a slow learner.”
“It took you less than year to love the human me… It’s taken you over ten years to love me this way. Admit it, you wish you had never turned me.” She didn’t stray from his hard glaze, and refused to give into the urge to pull away.
“Bella, I love you. I’ve always loved you. I can’t help… the way I feel.” Bella knew this is about genuine and honest he had been with her in the ten years, and she didn’t respond, hoping her silence would urge him to continue rather than a defensive response that would make him close up again.
When the silence became too overpowering for her after a moment of loud silence, Bella spoke up. “What is the way you feel?”
“Guilty. Condemned.”
The words hurt her. She felt his pain, the real pain that was seated within the two words for him.
“I’m sorry I condemned you,” she whispered, hoping to continue the honesty by baiting him slightly.
“I condemned you,” he corrected her.
“Carlisle condemned you then?” she challenged.
He closed his eyes, as if trying to gain a control again that he didn’t seem to have lost in the first place. “Never.” The word came out in a hiss.
She hugged him tightly. One of the million of things she loved about him was his loyalty and love for Carlisle and the other Cullens. It was unwavering, and didn’t allow himself to hold the grudges he held against himself toward any of them, as well as failing to see their flaws when he clearly saw his own. “I don’t think you condemned me either.”
“My situation is different than Carlisle’s when he turned me,” Edward tried to reason.
“No, it’s not.” She smiled at him. “It’s not. I don’t hold you accountable for my choice – I don’t even regret my choice – and you shouldn’t either.” Bella couldn’t believe she hadn’t truly realized the reason for his distance before now. His love hadn’t changed nor was he unable to love her as a vampire; he merely blamed himself for her state and felt she blamed him as well.
“Bella, it’s not the same thing. I knew what I was getting you into…”
“So did Carlisle! He knew and he did it anyway. You did it because I asked you to. I’m grateful for my conversion. All I ever wanted, all I ever asked for was forever with you. I have it, and for some reason I feel like you are trying to take that from me, make it something that I don’t want.”
“I’m not—“ Edward denied.
“You are. You know you are.” The honesty in his eyes told her that she was right he was but not out of malice. “No matter what happens, I want you to know I love you, but I refuse to live this way.”
“Bella what are you saying?” He looked down at her with golden eyes that shone his fear. She wondered what he actually feared, loosing her or being proven right in his guilt.
“I’m saying that I refuse to live this way. You and I need to go somewhere – the two of us only – and try to deal with this change. We haven’t been dealing well enough with everyone else watching us and interfering – out love, true, but interfering none the less.” She reached up and stroked the side of his face. “I want to live with you but not this way, not forced.”
He smiled at her. “We’ll tell everyone tomorrow and leave within the week.” She beamed and leaned forward to brush her cold lips against his. She didn’t know if leaving would actually fix things between them or alleviate his guilt, but she was willing to try.
He didn’t allow her to pull her lips away from his once they were there. He opened his mouth against hers and the kiss immediately deepened. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her as his arms tightened around her. He didn’t have to reign in his strength, and his embrace would be crushing for someone without equal strength and a granite body. He was no longer trying to protect her like she was still a fragile human.
She kissed him fiercely, trying to convey her emotions into the signal act.
He pulled away suddenly and looked into her eyes with his golden ones that were darken with his passion, his arousal. He walked slowly to the door, and she felt her heart jump in her throat as the thought that he might be leaving. Instead, he shut the door tightly and flipped the lock. He turned to face her, but didn’t go to her. She wondered if he wanted her to go to him. She didn’t move.
This wasn’t new – the sex, at least – but something felt different. As if their discussion had broken something in their relationship, an invisible barrier between the two. She’d never seen the undiluted desire in his eyes before.
The silence grew thick and she felt unsure of what was stopping him from coming to her, or what was stopping her from going to him. It seemed like neither wanted to give in, to be the weaker one.
Bella sighed suddenly, she couldn’t stand it any longer. She ran across the room and slammed her body against his, kissing him passionately. He allowed himself to fall back against the door, but the collision was gentle, the door barely rocking in its hinges at their weight.
She pressed her body to his, grinding her hips against him. His erection pressed against her stomach, telling her that he did want her. He lifted her up and carried closer to the bed without breaking the connection between their lips, and she moaned softly in the back of her throat.
Setting her down on her feet, he broke the kiss. His hands lifted the hem of her shirt slowly, as if allowing her the chance to stop him. He removed her shirt fully, and then she removed his. “Turn about is fair play,” she whispered, leaning down to kiss his hard shoulder. He chuckled as he undid the clasps on her bra, and she let it fall to the floor.
She looked into his eyes, trying to see what he was really thinking. Only desire and love answered her silent questions. She leaned up and kissed his jaw quickly.
He slid his arms around her back and pressed their bodies close again, making her relish the feel of his cold hard chest against her skin. Pulling back, she entwined her fingers in his hair as he leaned down and began to kiss her breasts. His tongue flickered over her nipples gingerly, as if tasting her. She moaned with pleasure.
As his mouth lavished pleasure unto her breasts, his hands roamed downward and started to undo her jeans and pulled him down over her hips. She kicked out of them immediately. Her hands began to unbutton his pants as well and he assisted her by stepping out of them.
She sat down on the edge of the bed and looked up at him, waiting for him to continue, wanting him. She moved in slow and deliberate motives until she was lying on the bed. He joined her a mere second later as if he was waiting for some sort of permission she didn’t know about.
He settled himself between her legs and pulled off her underwear. She waited for him to take off his own, but instead he lifted her hips. He kissed her inner thigh twice before he kissed a line to the junction between her legs. When his mouth touched her, she felt the pressure build instantly. His tongue stroked her most sensitive spot slowly, but the pace increased and created more pleasure within her.
She suddenly felt overwhelmed by the pleasure that his tongue was creating within her, and she spiraled into her climax, crying out his name.
He didn’t give her a moment to regain her control and come down from her height before he repositioned himself to enter her. “Bella,” he whispered, and she looked into his eyes, knowing that’s all he wanted. He wanted her attention – her full and undivided attention – and didn’t realize he always had it.
He entered her deftly and she brought her legs around him in an attempt to pull him deeper into her. They were motionless for a moment, relishing in the union. Then he began to slowly move out of her just to thrust back in. The pace of his thrusts was slow at first, and she whimpered at the feelings – the pleasure, the desire, and most of all, the love – coursing through her.
At her request, he sped up his rhythmic thrusts, making more pleasure build. She closed her eyes to savor the feelings, and then allowed herself to fall into the waves of ecstasy once again as her climax claimed her.
“Bella,” he whispered again, making her open her eyes. He waited for a moment after he recaptured her eye contact to give into his body. He came inside her and yelled her name in his passion. He collapsed on top of her, bringing his elbows down to control his weight, even though it wasn’t necessary.
“Such a gentleman,” she whispered affectionately as she kissed his shoulder and wrapped her arms around him tightly.
“What?” he whispered a moment later.
“Nothing,” she replied as he rolled off her and onto his back. He pulled her with him, and she settled against his side.
He looked at her for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to ask again. As if deciding against it, he closed his eyes and laid his head back on the pillow. His hand was absentmindedly stoking her back, creating shivers down her spine at the mere touch. She watched him, enjoying the expression of contentment on his perfect face.
Something about their lovemaking had been different. She didn’t know what changed or why, unless it was simply because there were no secrets to hinder their actions or feelings.
“Edward?” she whispered into the silence after a few moments.
“Yes?”
She laid her head on his chest to avoid the questioning look she knew he would give her. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” he asked, his voice soft.
“I love you.”
“You’re sorry you love me?”
She shook her head against his chest. She didn’t want to mislead him, but she was unsure he’d understand; part of her didn’t quite understand what she was sorry for. “No, no. I’m just sorry it has taken us ten years.”
“Right, Bella,” he said, clearly not understanding her logic. She kissed his chest gently. “Where do you want to go?”
“What?” The subject change confused her.
“When we leave, where do you want to go?” He gently stroked her hair.
“Oh. I heard the Yukon gets little sun and lots of snow.”
He chuckled darkly. “I thought you were a fan of the sun.”
“I am, but… well, snow’s growing on me,” she whispered, knowing she still hated snow as much as she had before.
“No it’s not, but sure, the Yukon.”
She closed her eyes, savoring the moment and hoping things continued to improve, because after making love the way they had – with the unadulterated passion and love that had been missing before – she knew she couldn’t continue to live like this no matter how much she loved him.
Words: in the nieghborhood of 7000
Rating: NC-17
Characers/Pairings: Edward/Bella, the Cullens, Hales, Volturi
Warnings: SMUT. This is smut therefore no one under the age of 17 should read it!
Author's Notes: Dedicated to and written for Jess (
jandjsalmon). She wanted Twilight smut, so here it is for her (written while she was out of town and I anxiously awaited her return)! I also tried not make it PWP since I enjoy my smut accompanied with plot, so, Jess, let me know if I succeeded. It was actually kind of difficult to write, but it was a labor of love (that sounds horrid, I'm sorry). Just label me the "pervert" of the Twilight fandom!Summary: It took Aro over ten years to come for Bella, and it took ten years, and a trip to Italy, for something to break in Edward and Bella's relationship. (Edward/Bella smut)
Edward had been right. Aro hadn’t contacted the Cullens in search of Bella for over ten years.
Edward stared at the young vampire; his eyes were burgundy showing that he feasted on human blood and not too long ago it seemed with the bright color.
Bella sat at the chair near the door, wishing someone would say something. The silence that encompassed the room was suffocating. She had been turned twelve years ago and part of her seemed to still be getting used to her new way of life. Some changes had were both instantaneous and instinctive; other parts had to be learned. Edward had taught her, and the Cullens had welcomed her into their family openly, helping her cope with the loss of her own.
“He wants to see her?” Alice repeated. She was standing by the door with Jasper. Bella noticed that she was holding his hand – probably for comfort as well as the simple feel of the touch.
The vampire stranger nodded solemnly. “He wants her to come to Italy. He wants to know what’s become of her. If anything has become of her.”
“I’m a vampire! I’m no longer a threat,” Bella blurted out, wondering if her change of state would prevent the second meeting.
“He doesn’t care. He wants to see you no matter what.”
Jasper tried to make the silence easier, but his powers to manipulate feelings were squashed when Edward glared at him. “Jasper, now not.” Jasper sighed heavily.
“What was that?” the vampire asked, glancing around the room at the silent audience. When no one responded, he continued. “Come, Bella, it will be easier that way.”
“Are you threatening her?” Edward snapped become instantly angry and defensive.
The vampire laughed. “No. It’s always easier to go through with what Aro wants… Are you telling me you don’t know who the Volturi is?”
Edward glared at him, so Carlisle answered, “Of course we do. In fact I stayed with them a long time ago.”
“Well, then you must know how stupid it is to go against what Aro wants,” the vampire said in a dismissive tone.
“Leave,” Emmett commanded the stranger.
“Not without her—“ He glanced at Bella, making Edward move closer to her and put a protective hand on her shoulder. “—If I went back empty handed I would be asking for Aro to kill me for failing him.”
“Just leave and come back in… an hour,” Jasper reasoned with him. “We need to discuss this.” Alice nodded fervently; Rosalie frowned a beautiful pout: Emmett seemed as angry as Edward as he stood behind Rosalie’s chair; Carlisle and Esme were expressionless.
The young vampire was obviously intimidated by the eight vampires before him. “One hour,” he growled. Emmett escorted him roughly out of the house.
When Emmett returned, the silence hadn’t lifted. “What are we going to do?” he asked brazenly.
“She’s not going,” Edward declared his voice unbending and even. The anger hadn’t evaporated yet, and Bella knew talking to him in this state of mind was impossible.
She sighed. “I have to go.”
“Bella can take care of herself – not that she’ll need to. This time we will all go to Italy,” Alice said the last sentence deliberately, trying to remind the family of the time Bella had went when she was human and came back… alive and human still.
“No,” Edward repeated. He glared at Alice. Lately that had become at odds over things concerning Bella. He wanted to protect her; Alice firmly believed there were some things that Bella needed to experience for herself by herself.
“If we are all there, he won’t hurt her,” Rosalie piped up, her voice soft, hopeful.
“Aro won’t be afraid of us,” Carlisle told them plainly.
“Well, maybe not afraid, but he has to be intelligent to have made it this long, to a position of great power, so he would realize it’s not the best move to try to hurt Bella with all of us there,” she embellished. She looked uncomfortable.
Carlisle shook his head. “The Volturi won’t think twice about upsetting us.”
“She has to go though,” Alice spoke up again. “Defying him outright is just asking for him to come after her with the intention of hurting her.”
“I don’t get why it’s such a big deal,” Emmett interjected suddenly. “I mean, he’s not threatening her. He just wants to make sure she was turned. She was. That will be the end of it.”
Edward shook his head. “It won’t be that easy. Nothing is that easy.”
“Is it true that he can hear every thought someone has ever had simply by touching them?” Esme asked, trying to change the subject.
“Everyone but Bella,” Edward nearly growled. He hated her immunity to his mind reading skills, and clearly did not like she had immunity with anyone else either.
A awkward stillness blanketed the group once again. The family looked around at each other in fleeting glances trying to gauge what the others were thinking. Edward clearly had the upper hand in this situation since he could hear most of their opinions clearly.
“Fine, she’ll go!” Edward exclaimed suddenly, breaking the silence.
“Edward, we can talk about this more,” Esme tried to soothe him. Her maternal instincts awakened at the apparent pain in his exclamation and wanting to calm him.
“No. Everyone has their mind sets. You all feel she should go,” he said. For a moment his anger seemed to be muted, but Bella saw the fury flashing in his eyes and knew that his family wouldn’t miss it either.
“I have to go,” Bella said pleadingly. “I can’t risk what might happen if I don’t go.”
He glared at her, but didn’t argue.
“Edward, she needs to go,” Alice piped up. Her voice was sad, uncharacteristically broken and defeated. Jasper gave her a questioning look.
“Fine,” Edward said, edging toward the door.
“She’s going!” Rosalie proclaimed, making everyone looked over at her. “We all, even Edward though he hates the fact, knows she needs to go. We’ll all go and we will all support her, protect her if we can. That’s all we can do.” Instead of her normally calm and eloquent way of speaking, her words were rushed and she looked panicked.
“Rose’s right,” Emmett agreed nodding at her. She smiled gratefully at him.
“I said she was going,” Edward reminded them in a bitter voice.
“Don’t sulk then. It’s a trip to Italy! Think of as a honeymoon,” Emmett suggested.
Bella saw Rosalie roll her eyes, but a gentle smile played on her lips. Alice shook her head at his comment clearly not amused.
“It’s not a honeymoon,” Edward replied, not even glancing Bella’s way.
Feeling slightly ignored when the conversation was about her, Bella said, “Well, certainly not a second one since we never a first.”
Emmett seemed to have trouble suppressing his amusement when he let out a deep, but short, laugh gaining himself a dark look from Edward.
“That was your choice,” Edward reminded, meeting her eyes for the first time since the vampire fetcher left.
Bella grinned. “It was. Besides the fact, it’s been ten years since my first visit to Italy; I’m due for another one.”
There was a knock on the front door, surprising no one, and Esme walked across the room to open it. “You’re early,” she greeted the unwelcome guest again. Her normally motherly smile and attitude was not extended to the vampire who walked past her rudely.
“I know. I need to know now,” the vampire seemed on edge, anxious as if something had happened outside the house to cause him to loose his arrogant swagger of being given the duty to fetch someone for a member of the Volturi.
Jasper seemed to be the only one willing to voice the noticeable change in the man as the rest of the group observed him in silence. “What happened?”
“Nothing,” the vampire said hurriedly. He looked around himself without moving his head, as if looking for something.
“Well, why the sudden change? You said an hour… it’s barely been twenty minutes,” Jasper pressed, watching the eye closely.
“I just got bored. You sure do pick a boring town to settle in.”
Jasper didn’t let the subject drop. “If you don’t tell us why you are suddenly jumpy and nervous, we don’t tell you our decision.”
The vampire looked behind him at the door, and then back to the group. “Aro is here,” he hissed. The fear that was etched on his face was clear.
“Here? Why?” Carlisle demanded, jumping to his feet.
The vampire shook his head. “I don’t know. He just suddenly… appeared.”
Edward moved in front of Bella in a protective gesture, as if believing the stranger. Carlisle shook his head. “He won’t come here, not even for someone he wants. He lives in Italy; he has prided himself on the life he has built himself and the life and society he has built within the Volturi. He won’t leave it.”
“Then why is he here?” the vampire demanded, his voice shaking with fear.
Bella knew vampires didn’t get scared often; she rarely felt the emotion herself since on conversion. It was as if knowing she was immortal and had only one way to die that she couldn’t feel the same degree of fear as those who know they are susceptible to death each day. Seeing the vampire with burgundy eyes plainly terrified make a shiver run down her spine.
“He’s not here,” Edward announced, smugness in his voice that could only be caused by him invading the man’s thoughts.
The guest changed instantly, the fear vanishing. “He did contact me…”
“He did,” Edward agreed, “Bella will go to Italy, but we will all be accompanying her.”
“That wasn’t what he asked for! He asked for her only. I don’t know what he will do if I show up with seven other vampires.”
“Too bad, we’re going,” Emmett said, his brawny frame no longer intimidated Bella, but the other vampire took a step backward at his fierceness.
Alice nodded. “We are going.”
The vampire glared at the group. “Fine. Have it your way.”
“We will,” Emmett retorted, obviously disliking the guest.
“What’s your name?” Esme asked suddenly, looking at the stranger with soft eyes.
The outsider scrutinized the group in front of him, trying to decide weather or not to tell the truth or even answer the question.
“Don’t lie,” Edward warned his voice lethal in his hatred to the unnamed man. His topaz eyes narrowed into slits as he watched the man.
“Victor,” he revealed grudgingly. “Not that you need to know.”
“Well, Victor, are you going to wait for us or are you going back right away?” Esme asked, her maternal personality taking over again now that the danger seemed to be gone for the moment.
“Now. I’m going now.” He was out the door before the group could bid him farewell or offer him a death threat.
“We have to leave tomorrow,” Carlisle said, standing up. “Tonight we rest…”
Bella always hated that expression. To a human rest meant sleeping or at least trying to, but as a vampire it meant to bide time.
She frowned, feeling the anxiety of the upcoming trip begin to take hold. She was going to see the Volturi, and they wanted her. She shuddered at the thought of what Aro wanted with her now that she was no longer human, a feeding source or a risk of vampires being discovered through her knowledge.
Jasper and Alice were the first to wander out of the silent room, walking outside into the rain. The rain always reminded Bella was her blurred and detached memories of Forks. She had met the Cullens there, fell in love with Edward there; it rarely stopped raining in Forks, and Bella had hated it. Now the rain was a reminder of her life as a human that had already ended. She didn’t regret her conversion – she loved Edward, adored the Cullens, and found very little problems with being immortal and a vampire – but the question of what her life would be like now if she were still a human was always there.
Rosalie smiled at Bella suddenly and leaned forward. “You should talk to Edward. He only worries because he loves you,” she whispered wisely to her. She glanced at her brother for a moment before turning back to Bella and giving her another smile.
Rosalie’s animosity towards Bella had vanished the first time Bella and Alice had went to Italy. Edward had tried to get himself killed by the Volturi then, because he thought Bella had died, and the girls had raced there to try to save his life. Bella had realized most of her bitter feelings hadn’t stemmed from genuine dislike, but from the fact that when Bella was human, she was want Rosalie wanted to be. It was pure envy.
Rosalie ended up being a sweet girl, full of smiles despite her glares and frowns in the beginning, and advice that only a long life could have given her. She had sage wisdom that had allowed her to vote no when Bella had surveyed the Cullens on whether they wanted her to join them as a vampire. “This is not the life I would have chosen for myself,” Rosalie had said over ten years ago. It pained Bella to know she took the girl’s sincerity and ignored it as she begged Edward to change her.
Emmett came up behind his wife and whispered something in her ear. She nodded and with one last smile to Bella and nod toward Edward, she and Emmett joined the other couple in the rain.
“Edward,” Carlisle said suddenly into the silence, “I’ll make the preparations. We are all going…” It was as if he knew exactly what Edward was thinking and that he was formulating a plan that just Bella and he could make the trip to Italy to face Aro themselves.
Edward glared at Carlisle, but nodded. He relented when it came to Carlisle often, seeing him as both a father-figure and friend.
Esme stood up and held her hand out to Carlisle, “Come on, dear, I’ll help.” She smiled warmly at Bella as a goodbye, ignoring Edward’s dark glaze. The couple exited the room without another word, heading upstairs.
The prolonged silence made Bella uncomfortable. She squirmed in her seat, unable to allow herself to be the first to break the silence.
“Bella if you have something to say just say it,” Edward told her. He turned his yellow eyes onto her, and his gaze was no longer angry and bitter. Concern filled his eyes.
Bella sighed, wanting to make him feel better, but not knowing how to. She didn’t move to embrace him, because she thought he’d reject her and push her way. “Edward… I have to go…”
“I know,” he told her. His stare was unflinching and his tone sincere.
“So… you respect the… decision?” She chose her words carefully, not wanting to ignite the anger she knew wasn’t buried too far deep down.
His eyes narrowed slightly. “I don’t have a choice.”
“You could stay…”
He glared at her now; the fury he was looking at her with surpassed the fury he had thrown at Victor. “I don’t know how you can even think that let alone say it!”
“I think a lot of things I don’t say,” Bella muttered, glancing downward. She knew that wasn’t even a possibility. Despite her vampire status, he still saw her as someone he had to protect. Out of love.
He continued to glare at her, waiting for the catch to her suggestion but that it was an insult.
She sighed heavily, returning his glare for the first time. “Fine! Come, but come because you want to, not because you feel you have to!” She stormed out of the living room and took haven in their shared bedroom without waiting for his reply. He didn’t follow her, and she wasn’t sure if that was a good sign on a bad sign. She grabbed a dog-eared copy of her favorite book and wrapped herself in a blanket, trying to remember what it felt like to be warm. To be human.
Vampires normally didn’t send some nobody to fetch a human – at least not in her short experience. Nor were men as impossible as Edward if they were human too, and loved a human.
“Humans are less complicated than vampires,” Bella whispered into the empty room as she scanned the book for her favorite part.
---
Edward tried to make up. Instead he avoided Balla all night, allowing her to sulk by reading and listening to Debussy. Everyone kept their distance as well, unsure what was causing the rift exactly. If it was the upcoming trip to Italy, they knew none of them could do a thing to help.
Edward was irritable to everyone, casting a dark cloud as the whole group packed and boarded the plane to Italy. They flew first class, making the flight easier and the people surrounding them more polite and less distracting. Bella was used to the looks they got by now, the envious or shocked expressions when they noticed their beauty. She buried her head in a book for the duration and ignored Alice when she tried to strike up a conversation.
“I can’t take it!” Alice cried suddenly, getting a few odd looks from fellow passengers. She lowered her voice. “What is wrong with you Bella?”
“Could it be I’m flying to Italy to confront a vampire whose intentions I have no clue about,” Bella hissed back, making sure no one else could hear her.
“That’s not it. It should be it, but it’s not.” Alice frowned at her. “Bella, what happened?”
“Nothing. I just want to read.” Bella deliberately brought the open book up between her and Alice’s faces.
“Child,” Alice muttered, but she slumped back down in her own seat, silent.
“Don’t worry, Alice,” Bella could hear Jasper whisper, “It’ll work itself out. You don’t need to fix anything. They always work it out on their own.”
“Jasper—Jasper, they shouldn’t be going to Italy in a fight. They… they might… need each other,” she stumbled the words out. Bella was instantly aware that Alice knew something no one else did. She had obviously had a vision of their trip and not told anyone.
The rest of the group seemed to come to attention at her words too, leaning closer to the couple.
“Alice… You saw something!” Edward accused loudly from his seat two away from her.
”Shh,” Carlisle tried to quiet him. He placed a calm smile on his face that he had perfected during his work as a doctor on his face as he turned to their new audience. “I’m sorry he disturbed you.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Edward said unconvincingly.
The other passengers turned back to their own activities, but seemed uneasy now to be in first class with the Cullens. In a lower voice Carlisle turned to Alice and started again, “Alice did you have a vision?”
Alice frowned deeply. She did not want to divulge whatever she knew. “Yes. Two weeks ago.”
”You didn’t say anything?” Edward said in disbelieving anger. Emmett’s expression matched Edward’s outward anger. Rosalie and Esme merely looked at Alice with disappointed stares – as if she had betrayed their trust a bit. Jasper laid a soothing hand on Alice’s shoulder for unsaid support, but he had grim expression on his face.
Carlisle was as cool and collected as ever, his voice was even when he spoke again and his words chosen with precision. “Please tell us what you saw. Is Bella in danger?”
Alice shook her head. “He merely wants to see what has become of her; she’s safe as a vampire. If she wasn’t coming willingly, then she would have been in danger. Lethal danger,” she added the last two words in a whisper.
“Why didn’t you tell us this yesterday or two weeks ago?” Edward questioned, his protective instincts toward Bella coming out again.
“Because Bella has to do things for herself, Edward. You can’t protect her forever!” she exclaimed in a near yell.
“What else do you know you have… failed to tell us?” Edward asked accusatory, glaring at her.
“Shush,” Esme tried to calm the two to no avail.
“I know she has to do things, learn certain things for herself,” Alice repeated fervently.
“Alice, you have always told us of your visions before, what stopped you this time?” Carlisle questioned her. He wore an expressionless mask, probably perfected for when he delivered bad news to patients.
“She was safe. She was in no danger. Carlisle, we can’t teach her everything.”
He nodded, seeming to understand her reasoning.
“Don’t you think Bella has a right to know?” Edward shot at her.
“Don’t you mean don’t I think you have a right to know?” Alice retorted, glaring at him.
He backed up as if her words had slapped him. “No, of course not.”
“Yes, you do,” Bella interjected. “You’re always trying to protect me… Yes, it’s with love, but stop. You’re suffocating me.” The statement fell out of her mouth before she could rethink them. She had tried to ebb her feelings, because she loved him, but his lack of faith in her had started to take its toll on her.
“Bella, I know you can take care of yourself,” he offered, looking away from Alice to look at her. He still looked upon her with love, but there was an underlying guilt. After a decade, he still felt guilty for turning her.
“Haven’t I proven myself?” she continued, saying the words she had bottled up for years. The resentment, the hurt was boiling over and she was done trying to contain it. “I have! Even before you… changed me, I have proven myself. I can take care of myself, and I will. With or without you.”
The rest of the Cullens watched her outburst in shocked silence. Everyone seemed surprised by her feelings.
“Edward, you know I want to be with you, but you have to trust me. Stop treating me like a little kid, like some fragile human. I’m not. I can protect myself. Have faith in me for goodness sake!”
His golden eyes looked into hers and the more guilt seemed to creep in to overshadow his anger and perhaps hurt from her words.
“And stop feeling guilty!” she yelled in his silence. She stood up and bolted to the back of the plane. The passengers didn’t try to hide their gawking now. She felt embarrassed at the scene she created, but refused to stay.
A stewardess stopped her and tried to ask her what she needed but she cut her off, telling her she was sick. The woman stepped back and pointed to the back of the plane. Bella locked herself in the restroom for the rest of the flight, to the annoyance and anger at the other passengers.
---
Bella hated confrontation and avoided it at all cost, but the whole trip to Italy was to confront Aro. She avoided Edward the rest of the flight so she could try to put her issues with him aside during her meeting with Aro and not let them distract her in case she wound up in danger.
The group went through the underground tunnel to the Volturi’s lair without an escort. Bella noticed that Gianna was no longer receptionist; the new human there seemed as uncaring of what the vampires were done to the one prior to her. Bella wondered what had become of Gianna and if the human had faced the fate that Edward had predicted she would.
This nameless woman smiled at them kindly and looked closely at Carlisle, as if knowing of his tiny past with the Volturi. “You have an appointment,” she told him and gestured toward the door. It was obvious that they were to enter the room on their own.
Bella was vaguely aware that this would be the time that her heart would start beating faster and pumping the blood through her veins in a frantic pace had she still been human. She found herself missing the normal bodily response to fear in the absence of one.
The group assembled before them was much like it had been her first visit. Aro stood when they entered, smiling grimly. “Ah…”
Victor was sitting in a chair next to Jane watching Bella intently.
“You are one of us now,” the old vampire said. He reached out to shake the group’s hands, but all of them eyed his had knowingly and didn’t move to shake his hand. He smiled, amused by their weariness.
“Bella is now a vampire. She’s no longer a threat to our secret,” Carlisle said. Bella noticed that his speech was as smooth and articulate as the Volturi’s spokesman.
”Is she still immune?” Jane piped up from her seat.
Victor sat up straighter. “What is she immune to?”
“She used to be immune to our powers,” Jane replied, grinning at Bella maliciously.
Edward move protective toward Bella again, but she purposely move away from him, closer to Jane. “I’m still immune to Edward’s powers.”
Jane narrowed her eyes in concentration and glared at Bella, clearly trying to inflict pain. Bella felt nothing and shrugged. “I guess I’m still immune to you, too.”
The girl flounced back down into her chair and glared sulkily at her.
Edward moved next to Bella and she heard him whisper, “If you weren’t immune, that would have been stupid,” in her ear then move away again. He was still unhappy with her over their fights. Bella frowned; she hated it when her and Edward fought and it really made her do stupid things.
Aro looked closer at the Cullens before him, none of them showed any fear. “Dinner’s coming. Would you like to join us?”
Bella knew their dinner meant humans, and felt instantly disgusted by the mere idea of feeding on human blood. She never had – not once. She found herself shaking her head.
“No, thank you. If you are done, actually, we’d like to leave… with your permission, of course,” Carlisle rejected the invitation.
“Go,” Aro said dismissively, waving this hand at them like they were merely gnats bothering him.
Bella forced herself not to run from the room; all eight left without another word in a calm stroll as if none of them had a care in the world. Once she was in the tunnel with no more witnesses Bella allowed herself to relax. She tuned to Esme, “Can we… run… or something? Please?” She pleaded. She wanted to avoid seeing the Volturi’s “dinner” at all costs.
Esme nodded, looking over at Carlisle. “Once we are on the street again we have to be careful again.”
Everyone seemed to want to avoid the same thing as Bella and they were eager to not see the hoard of people coming to their deaths as well.
Exiting the long tunnel took only a second while running. Bella was relieved when she could breathe the fresh air again. The group walked back to their borrowed cars, Bella was pleased to note that this time in Italy Alice did not commit grand theft auto. They drove all the way out of Italy and into France to fly back to the States.
Their trip had taken less than twenty-fours from departure to landing, but coming back felt wrong to Bella. Edward hadn’t spoken to her since his whisper during the visit with the Volturi. Bella escaped the bedroom without staying for the post-Italian trip meeting that Rosalie seemed to want to start. Bella was safe and she felt that should be the end of it.
“You know she actually cares,” Edward’s voice came from the doorway. Bella stared at the piece of paper she had gotten out. She couldn’t remember why she had gotten the paper out, but decided to pretend she was deeply engrossed in whatever she was writing. “She just doesn’t want to hide her feelings until she says it in front of everyone in anger.”
Bella turned and glared at him. “Excuse me?”
“Rose actually cares and wants her feelings known. She doesn’t hide things like some people.” Edward was glaring at her, the meaning to his words clear.
“Like me?” Bella retorted angrily.
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you mean that! Edward just say what you mean!” Bella stood up and glared at him in fury.
“Maybe I do. It’s not like you say what you mean… ever.”
“I do too! I just can’t take living this way anymore. It was my choice! I made my choice, and guess what? I don’t regret it!” Her anger had ebbed gently and she found it hard to yell anymore. She didn’t want to yell; she didn’t want to fight.
“Good. It’s not like it can be reversed,” he shot back.
“Exactly. What’s done is done. I’m sorry I’m not the human girl who you love anymore!” She glared at him, more hurt now than angry.
His demeanor softened, and the anger seemed to have lost its edge suddenly. “What?” he asked in surprise.
“I’m sorry I’m not the human girl you love anymore,” she repeated herself word for word.
“I love you,” he said slowly. He looked at her with a confused expression and all anger gone.
“No, Edward. You love the human girl I was; I’m a vampire now. I can take care of myself. I can think for myself. Love this me, not who I used to be and who you had to… protect,” she pleaded, her voice lowering to a near whisper.
“Bella…” Edward stepped toward her, but she backed up.
“No, Edward. I can’t live like this anymore.” She shook her head, her heart in her throat.
He ignored her request and crossed the room. “Bella, I’m sorry. I love you. This you.” He wrapped his arms around her to envelop her in his cold embrace and brought her against his hard chest. She leaned against him, relishing in the familiar feel.
“I just can’t take it anymore, Edward. I feel like I made you change me, to spend forever with me, and now you are forcing yourself to stay with me. Like you’d rather I was someone else, the human I was, or someone else completely. I’m not her anymore… I’m sorry, but I’m not.” She was whispered her words into his granite chest instead of looking into his eyes. She didn’t want to think of what she might see there.
Edward cupped her face in his cold hands and moved her face so that she looked at him. He was frowning but his eyes were full of warmth and love. “I’m sorry.”
She bit her lip as she looked at him. His apology was genuine. She wondered if he ever felt the strain on their relationship that she had. “It’s been over ten years,” she whispered.
“I’m a slow learner.”
“It took you less than year to love the human me… It’s taken you over ten years to love me this way. Admit it, you wish you had never turned me.” She didn’t stray from his hard glaze, and refused to give into the urge to pull away.
“Bella, I love you. I’ve always loved you. I can’t help… the way I feel.” Bella knew this is about genuine and honest he had been with her in the ten years, and she didn’t respond, hoping her silence would urge him to continue rather than a defensive response that would make him close up again.
When the silence became too overpowering for her after a moment of loud silence, Bella spoke up. “What is the way you feel?”
“Guilty. Condemned.”
The words hurt her. She felt his pain, the real pain that was seated within the two words for him.
“I’m sorry I condemned you,” she whispered, hoping to continue the honesty by baiting him slightly.
“I condemned you,” he corrected her.
“Carlisle condemned you then?” she challenged.
He closed his eyes, as if trying to gain a control again that he didn’t seem to have lost in the first place. “Never.” The word came out in a hiss.
She hugged him tightly. One of the million of things she loved about him was his loyalty and love for Carlisle and the other Cullens. It was unwavering, and didn’t allow himself to hold the grudges he held against himself toward any of them, as well as failing to see their flaws when he clearly saw his own. “I don’t think you condemned me either.”
“My situation is different than Carlisle’s when he turned me,” Edward tried to reason.
“No, it’s not.” She smiled at him. “It’s not. I don’t hold you accountable for my choice – I don’t even regret my choice – and you shouldn’t either.” Bella couldn’t believe she hadn’t truly realized the reason for his distance before now. His love hadn’t changed nor was he unable to love her as a vampire; he merely blamed himself for her state and felt she blamed him as well.
“Bella, it’s not the same thing. I knew what I was getting you into…”
“So did Carlisle! He knew and he did it anyway. You did it because I asked you to. I’m grateful for my conversion. All I ever wanted, all I ever asked for was forever with you. I have it, and for some reason I feel like you are trying to take that from me, make it something that I don’t want.”
“I’m not—“ Edward denied.
“You are. You know you are.” The honesty in his eyes told her that she was right he was but not out of malice. “No matter what happens, I want you to know I love you, but I refuse to live this way.”
“Bella what are you saying?” He looked down at her with golden eyes that shone his fear. She wondered what he actually feared, loosing her or being proven right in his guilt.
“I’m saying that I refuse to live this way. You and I need to go somewhere – the two of us only – and try to deal with this change. We haven’t been dealing well enough with everyone else watching us and interfering – out love, true, but interfering none the less.” She reached up and stroked the side of his face. “I want to live with you but not this way, not forced.”
He smiled at her. “We’ll tell everyone tomorrow and leave within the week.” She beamed and leaned forward to brush her cold lips against his. She didn’t know if leaving would actually fix things between them or alleviate his guilt, but she was willing to try.
He didn’t allow her to pull her lips away from his once they were there. He opened his mouth against hers and the kiss immediately deepened. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her as his arms tightened around her. He didn’t have to reign in his strength, and his embrace would be crushing for someone without equal strength and a granite body. He was no longer trying to protect her like she was still a fragile human.
She kissed him fiercely, trying to convey her emotions into the signal act.
He pulled away suddenly and looked into her eyes with his golden ones that were darken with his passion, his arousal. He walked slowly to the door, and she felt her heart jump in her throat as the thought that he might be leaving. Instead, he shut the door tightly and flipped the lock. He turned to face her, but didn’t go to her. She wondered if he wanted her to go to him. She didn’t move.
This wasn’t new – the sex, at least – but something felt different. As if their discussion had broken something in their relationship, an invisible barrier between the two. She’d never seen the undiluted desire in his eyes before.
The silence grew thick and she felt unsure of what was stopping him from coming to her, or what was stopping her from going to him. It seemed like neither wanted to give in, to be the weaker one.
Bella sighed suddenly, she couldn’t stand it any longer. She ran across the room and slammed her body against his, kissing him passionately. He allowed himself to fall back against the door, but the collision was gentle, the door barely rocking in its hinges at their weight.
She pressed her body to his, grinding her hips against him. His erection pressed against her stomach, telling her that he did want her. He lifted her up and carried closer to the bed without breaking the connection between their lips, and she moaned softly in the back of her throat.
Setting her down on her feet, he broke the kiss. His hands lifted the hem of her shirt slowly, as if allowing her the chance to stop him. He removed her shirt fully, and then she removed his. “Turn about is fair play,” she whispered, leaning down to kiss his hard shoulder. He chuckled as he undid the clasps on her bra, and she let it fall to the floor.
She looked into his eyes, trying to see what he was really thinking. Only desire and love answered her silent questions. She leaned up and kissed his jaw quickly.
He slid his arms around her back and pressed their bodies close again, making her relish the feel of his cold hard chest against her skin. Pulling back, she entwined her fingers in his hair as he leaned down and began to kiss her breasts. His tongue flickered over her nipples gingerly, as if tasting her. She moaned with pleasure.
As his mouth lavished pleasure unto her breasts, his hands roamed downward and started to undo her jeans and pulled him down over her hips. She kicked out of them immediately. Her hands began to unbutton his pants as well and he assisted her by stepping out of them.
She sat down on the edge of the bed and looked up at him, waiting for him to continue, wanting him. She moved in slow and deliberate motives until she was lying on the bed. He joined her a mere second later as if he was waiting for some sort of permission she didn’t know about.
He settled himself between her legs and pulled off her underwear. She waited for him to take off his own, but instead he lifted her hips. He kissed her inner thigh twice before he kissed a line to the junction between her legs. When his mouth touched her, she felt the pressure build instantly. His tongue stroked her most sensitive spot slowly, but the pace increased and created more pleasure within her.
She suddenly felt overwhelmed by the pleasure that his tongue was creating within her, and she spiraled into her climax, crying out his name.
He didn’t give her a moment to regain her control and come down from her height before he repositioned himself to enter her. “Bella,” he whispered, and she looked into his eyes, knowing that’s all he wanted. He wanted her attention – her full and undivided attention – and didn’t realize he always had it.
He entered her deftly and she brought her legs around him in an attempt to pull him deeper into her. They were motionless for a moment, relishing in the union. Then he began to slowly move out of her just to thrust back in. The pace of his thrusts was slow at first, and she whimpered at the feelings – the pleasure, the desire, and most of all, the love – coursing through her.
At her request, he sped up his rhythmic thrusts, making more pleasure build. She closed her eyes to savor the feelings, and then allowed herself to fall into the waves of ecstasy once again as her climax claimed her.
“Bella,” he whispered again, making her open her eyes. He waited for a moment after he recaptured her eye contact to give into his body. He came inside her and yelled her name in his passion. He collapsed on top of her, bringing his elbows down to control his weight, even though it wasn’t necessary.
“Such a gentleman,” she whispered affectionately as she kissed his shoulder and wrapped her arms around him tightly.
“What?” he whispered a moment later.
“Nothing,” she replied as he rolled off her and onto his back. He pulled her with him, and she settled against his side.
He looked at her for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to ask again. As if deciding against it, he closed his eyes and laid his head back on the pillow. His hand was absentmindedly stoking her back, creating shivers down her spine at the mere touch. She watched him, enjoying the expression of contentment on his perfect face.
Something about their lovemaking had been different. She didn’t know what changed or why, unless it was simply because there were no secrets to hinder their actions or feelings.
“Edward?” she whispered into the silence after a few moments.
“Yes?”
She laid her head on his chest to avoid the questioning look she knew he would give her. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” he asked, his voice soft.
“I love you.”
“You’re sorry you love me?”
She shook her head against his chest. She didn’t want to mislead him, but she was unsure he’d understand; part of her didn’t quite understand what she was sorry for. “No, no. I’m just sorry it has taken us ten years.”
“Right, Bella,” he said, clearly not understanding her logic. She kissed his chest gently. “Where do you want to go?”
“What?” The subject change confused her.
“When we leave, where do you want to go?” He gently stroked her hair.
“Oh. I heard the Yukon gets little sun and lots of snow.”
He chuckled darkly. “I thought you were a fan of the sun.”
“I am, but… well, snow’s growing on me,” she whispered, knowing she still hated snow as much as she had before.
“No it’s not, but sure, the Yukon.”
She closed her eyes, savoring the moment and hoping things continued to improve, because after making love the way they had – with the unadulterated passion and love that had been missing before – she knew she couldn’t continue to live like this no matter how much she loved him.
